The first real friend I made after my second move abroad was someone I had stood next to in the same Tuesday morning class for six weeks before either of us said more than “morning”. That slow start is normal, and it is exactly why learning how to make friends at the gym works so well for expats: the gym gives you the same faces, at the same time, week after week, which is the raw material every friendship needs.
The problem is that gyms also come with an unwritten rule that you should not bother anyone. Headphones go in, eyes go down, and you can train for a year in Lisbon, Berlin or Dublin without learning a single name. This guide breaks that pattern without making you the person everyone avoids near the dumbbell rack.
You will get the reasoning behind why exercise helps you settle, a way to choose the right type of gym session, word-for-word scripts for every stage, invite messages you can copy, a simple way to start your own group, and a 4-week plan that takes you from nodding at strangers to a first plan outside the gym.
Why the gym works for expat friendships
Most friendships form through repeated, unplanned contact in a shared space. At home that space was school, university or a long-standing job. Abroad you have to rebuild it, and a gym is one of the easiest places to do that because it runs on routine. If you go every Monday and Thursday at 7am, so do a handful of other people.
There is also research suggesting exercise and social life reinforce each other. A study of 672 university students published in Frontiers in Psychology found that regular physical exercise was linked to better social adjustment, working through a sequence of peer attachment and then self-esteem. In plain terms: moving regularly seemed to help people feel more connected to peers, which supported their confidence, which in turn helped them adapt. That pattern will feel familiar to anyone who has arrived in a new city feeling unsure of themselves.
The second reason is accountability. Field research by Gershon and colleagues, published in Management Science and summarised by Berkeley Haas, found that working out with a friend boosted motivation and gym attendance, despite the hassle of coordinating schedules. That matters for friendship too: once you have a training partner, you both keep turning up, and turning up is how acquaintances become friends.
Finally, the gym gives you an instant topic. You never have to invent small talk when you have both just survived the same set of burpees. If you want a wider view of where the gym fits alongside clubs, exchanges and work, our guide on how to make friends abroad with a 4-week plan covers the full toolkit.
Choose a gym setup that makes talking easy
Not every gym session is equally social. A packed open floor with everyone in headphones is the hardest environment. Group formats with built-in pauses and shared struggle are the easiest. Before you commit to a membership, think about which format suits you.
| Format | How social it is | Natural moments to talk | Best for |
|---|---|---|---|
| Group classes (spin, HIIT, circuits, yoga, Pilates) | High: same people, same slot, an instructor who uses names | Before class while setting up, cool-down, leaving together | Anyone who wants a structure to lean on |
| Bouldering or climbing gyms | Very high: long rests between attempts, people watch each other’s problems | Rest breaks, working out a route together | Introverts who prefer talking about a shared task |
| Functional or small-group strength gyms | High: small groups, partner drills, coaches who introduce people | Partner exercises, whiteboard chat, post-session stretching | People who like a team feel |
| Running groups that meet at a gym | Medium to high: side-by-side chat while moving | Warm-up, easy pace sections, the walk back | People who find face-to-face chat awkward |
| Open gym floor, solo training | Low: headphones, individual programmes | Sharing equipment, asking for a spot, the same time slot | Experienced lifters willing to be patient |
If you are serious about friendship, choose at least one session per week in a high-social format, even if the rest of your training is solo. Ask at reception which classes have the most regulars; staff usually know which slots have a loyal crowd. Classes in English or with international members are common in cities with big expat populations, but do not avoid local-language classes: an instructor shouting counts in Spanish or Czech is a gentle language lesson and a route to making friends with locals abroad.
Become a recognisable regular
People only talk to faces they recognise. Your first job is not to be charming; it is to be predictable. Pick two or three fixed slots and protect them like meetings.
Small habits that make you approachable
- Same slot, same spot. In classes, set up in roughly the same place each time. The person beside you becomes your default conversation.
- One earbud out between sets. Full headphones signal “do not disturb”. Taking them out while you rest signals you are open to a word.
- Arrive five minutes early. The minutes before a class starts are the most sociable in the whole gym.
- Linger for the cool-down. Rushing out the second the instructor stops means you miss the moment people actually chat.
- Learn the instructor’s name. Instructors introduce regulars to each other more than you would expect.
For more on body language and small signals, see our guide on how to be more approachable as an expat.
Copy-paste scripts: from nod to first chat
The fear with gym conversation is interrupting someone mid-set or seeming like you are hitting on them. These scripts are short, about the shared activity, and easy to end. Use them during natural pauses: setting up, resting, putting equipment away.
Stage 1: Recognition (sessions 1 to 3)
- “Morning. Same crowd as last week.”
- “That last round was brutal, wasn’t it?”
- “Is this spot free, or does someone usually set up here?”
Stage 2: Small exchanges (sessions 3 to 6)
- “Are you using this bench? I can work in between your sets if that’s easier.”
- “How do you get that hold? I’ve fallen off it four times.”
- “Is the Thursday class always this full, or is it a January thing?”
- “I’m new to the area. Do you come to this one every week?”
Stage 3: Names and a bit of background
- “I keep seeing you here and realised I don’t know your name. I’m Sam.”
- “Your accent sounds like you’re not from here either. How long have you been in the city?”
- “Do you train anywhere else, or is this your only class?”
Worked example: the Monday spin class
Imagine you have just moved to Madrid for work and signed up for a Monday and Wednesday evening spin class. In week one you only nod at the person on the next bike. In week two you say, “That hill section nearly finished me.” They laugh and agree. In week three you introduce yourself as you wipe down the bike, and learn they moved from Dublin a year ago. In week four, as you both pack up, you say, “I’m grabbing a juice next door before I head home, want to come?” Fifteen minutes, no pressure, and you have had your first conversation away from the bikes.
None of those lines is clever. They work because they are repeated across several weeks. If you want more lines for other settings, our list of conversation starters for expats has dozens you can adapt.
Moving the friendship off the gym floor
Plenty of expats end up with ten “gym friends” whose surnames they do not know. The step that turns a gym acquaintance into an actual friend is a plan outside the session. The easiest bridge is something attached to the workout, so it does not feel like a big ask.
Low-pressure invites that build on the gym
- “A few of us get a coffee after Saturday’s class. Want to join?”
- “I’m doing a long walk along the river on Sunday as recovery. Fancy coming?”
- “Want to train together on Thursday? I’m terrible at getting there on my own.”
- “There’s a climbing session at another wall across town. Want to try it with me one weekend?”
Message templates once you have their number
After you swap numbers, send something within a day or two so the contact does not go cold:
- “Hi, it’s Sam from the Monday spin class. Good to properly meet you. Still on for that coffee after Wednesday’s session?”
- “Hey, it’s Sam from the climbing wall. I’m planning to go Saturday morning around 10. Want to meet there?”
- “Hi! Training partner offer still stands. Thursday at 7 work for you?”
If they say they are busy, offer one alternative and then leave it with them: “No worries, I’m usually there Mondays if you want to join another time.” For more phrasing options, see our 25 scripts for asking someone to hang out as a friend, and for the step after that, how to turn acquaintances into friends with repeated plans.
A useful set of expat friendship tips for this stage: keep the first plan short, keep it daytime or right after a session, keep it in a public place, and suggest a second plan before the first one ends. Fitness-based plans also have a quiet advantage: they do not revolve around alcohol, which suits plenty of people. Our list of ways to make friends without drinking has more ideas in the same spirit.
How to start your own meetup group abroad
If your gym is not very social, or you keep meeting people who leave after a few months, start a small group yourself. Knowing how to start your own meetup group abroad is one of the most reliable ways to build a circle, because you become the person who connects everyone.
Step by step
- Pick one activity and one fixed time. “Saturday morning run and coffee” or “Wednesday bouldering” beats a vague “fitness group”. Fixed times are what make groups stick.
- Choose a public meeting point. A gym entrance, a park landmark or a café near the climbing wall. Keep it easy to find and easy to leave.
- Start small. Three or four people is a success. Invite the gym regulars you already chat with first.
- Ask before you advertise. Check with gym staff whether you can put a note on the community board or mention it in their member chat. Many gyms are happy to have regulars build community.
- Make one person responsible for the chat. That is usually you. A short reminder the day before keeps numbers steady.
- Add a social tail. Ten minutes of coffee or juice after the workout is where friendships actually form.
Template group post
“Hi all, I’m Sam, I moved here recently and I’m starting a relaxed Saturday morning run group. We meet at 9.30 at the main park entrance, run an easy loop at chatting pace (no one gets left behind), then grab a coffee. All levels welcome, English spoken, locals very welcome too. Message me if you’d like to join the group chat.”
Keep the tone friendly and specific. People are more likely to turn up to something with a clear time, place and pace than to a general invitation.
A 4-week plan for how to make friends at the gym
This plan assumes two or three sessions a week. Friendship takes many hours of shared time, so treat the four weeks as a foundation rather than a finish line.
| Week | Goal | Actions |
|---|---|---|
| Week 1 | Be seen | Choose one social class or format plus your usual training. Attend the same slots at least twice. Arrive early, stay for cool-down, nod and say hello to the people near you. |
| Week 2 | Small exchanges | Use two or three Stage 2 scripts. Ask the instructor one question after class. Notice who else turns up every time. |
| Week 3 | Names | Introduce yourself to at least two regulars. Learn one detail about each (where they are from, how long they have been in the city). Mention you are new and looking for people to train with. |
| Week 4 | First plan outside | Invite one or two people for a post-session coffee or a joint training session. Swap numbers and send a follow-up message. If no one bites, draft your group post and invite the people you know by name. |
After week four, repeat. Keep your slots, keep inviting, and aim for one plan outside the gym per week. People who keep showing up and keep suggesting small plans are the ones who end up with a circle six months later.
Gym etiquette, mistakes and safety
Etiquette that keeps you welcome
- Never interrupt someone mid-set or mid-climb. Wait for a rest or for them to look up.
- Full headphones and a focused face mean “not now”. Respect it and try another day.
- Keep chat short on busy floors. Thirty seconds is plenty until you know someone.
- Do not give unsolicited form advice. It rarely lands well with strangers.
- Gym culture varies by country and by gym, so watch how regulars behave before you copy anything.
Common mistakes
- Changing slots constantly. You reset recognition every time.
- Waiting for the perfect moment. There is none. A small, imperfect comment is better than silence.
- Stopping at gym chat. Friendly faces are nice, but without a plan outside, most gym friendships stay on the gym floor.
- Taking a “no” personally. People are busy, tired or not looking for friends. Move on warmly.
Meeting someone new safely
When a gym chat turns into a plan, use the same common sense you would with anyone new. Meet in a public place, such as a café near the gym or a busy park. Tell a friend where you are going and who with. Make your own way there and home, rather than relying on a lift from someone you barely know. Leave if you feel uncomfortable at any point; you do not owe anyone an explanation. And if someone treats your friendliness as romantic interest you did not signal, say so clearly, and tell gym staff if it continues.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web and works in your browser, starting in Malta. The Android app is on Google Play; the iPhone app is not in the App Store yet. Open MeetNow and see the plans posted in Malta.
FAQ
Is it weird to try to make friends at the gym?
No, as long as you read the room. Short, friendly comments during natural pauses are normal in most gyms, especially in classes and climbing walls. What feels weird is interrupting someone mid-set or pushing a long conversation on someone wearing headphones.
Which type of gym is best for making friends abroad?
Group classes, bouldering gyms and small-group strength gyms are the most social because they have built-in pauses, shared effort and the same regulars each week. Open-floor solo training is the hardest setting, so add at least one group session per week if friendship is your goal.
How long does it take to make friends at the gym?
Expect several weeks of consistent attendance before you are on first-name terms, and longer before someone feels like a real friend. Following a 4-week plan gets you to a first plan outside the gym, but you need to keep showing up and inviting people for the friendship to grow.
How do I ask a gym acquaintance to hang out without it seeming like a date?
Tie the invite to the workout and keep it short and public: a coffee after class, a joint training session or a recovery walk. Inviting two people at once, or mentioning that a few regulars are coming, also makes the friendly intent clear.
What if my gym is not social at all?
Switch to a more social format at the same gym, such as a class, or try a climbing wall or running group. If that still does not work, start your own small weekly group with a fixed time and a public meeting point, and invite the people you already nod to.
How do I stay safe when meeting a gym friend outside the gym?
Meet in a public place, tell a friend where you are going, make your own way there and home, and leave if you feel uncomfortable. Keep first plans short and in the daytime or straight after a session until you know the person better.
