The short answer: how to find your people abroad comes down to three things. First, get clear on who “your people” actually are (what you love doing, how you like to spend a Saturday). Then go where those people already gather on a regular schedule, not to random one-off mixers. Finally, keep showing up to the same place at the same time until familiar faces become friends, and nudge the ones you click with into plans outside the activity.
When I moved abroad the first time, I went to everything: expat drinks, networking evenings, a salsa class I hated. I met loads of people and kept almost none of them. The second time, I did less but chose better: a weekly running club and a Sunday volunteering shift. Within a few months I had a small group who felt like mine. This guide is about that difference between meeting people and finding your people.
Step 1: Work out who your people are
“Find your people” sounds mystical, but it’s practical. Your people are the ones who enjoy the same things you do, in roughly the same way, at roughly the same pace of life. Before you search, answer these honestly:
- What would you do every week even if nobody came with you? Running, reading, cooking, climbing, gaming, singing, hiking. That’s your strongest lead.
- When are you free? Weekday evenings, weekend mornings, lunchtimes. Your people need to be free when you are.
- What energy suits you? Loud nights out, quiet coffees, outdoors, creative, competitive.
- What matters to you? Sobriety, family life, faith, a cause you care about, speaking the local language.
Write down two or three interests and one value. That short list is your search filter. It stops you spending every evening at events full of perfectly nice people you’ll never see again.
Step 2: Go where your people already gather
Don’t try to create a community from scratch in month one. Join one that already meets. Here’s where different kinds of people tend to be found in most European cities:
| If your people are… | Look for | How to find it |
|---|---|---|
| Active and outdoorsy | Running clubs, hiking groups, cycling clubs, social sports leagues | Club websites, local sports shops, Meetup, Strava clubs |
| Curious about the language and culture | Language exchanges, conversation tables, cultural centres | University noticeboards, cafés that host exchanges, local listings |
| Creative | Choirs, drawing classes, theatre groups, open mics | Community centres, arts venues, adult education programmes |
| Games and puzzles fans | Board game cafés, quiz nights, chess clubs | Café event calendars, pub quiz listings |
| Purpose-driven | Volunteering projects, community gardens, charity runs | Local volunteering platforms, food banks, refugee support groups |
| Fellow newcomers | Expat groups, international clubs, newcomer meet-ups (see our best expat communities in Europe) | Facebook groups, InterNations, WhatsApp communities |
A mix works best: one activity built around your interest and one that brings you into contact with locals. If you’re weighing up apps and groups, our comparison of 12 ways to meet other expats sets out what each is actually good for.
Step 3: Same place, same time, every week
This is the step most people skip, and it’s the one that matters most. Friendship takes time together. Research by communication professor Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas estimated that it takes roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, around 90 hours to become a friend, and more than 200 hours to become a close friend (University of Kansas news release).
You won’t get anywhere near those hours at one-off events. You will at a weekly activity. That’s why a running club or a choir works so much better than a monthly mixer: you see the same faces, the conversation picks up where it left off, and familiarity does a lot of the work for you.
Commit to one regular thing for at least six weeks before you judge it. Arrive a little early and stay a little late; that’s where the real conversations happen.
Step 4: Notice who you actually click with
Not everyone at your club is your person, and that’s fine. Pay attention to the signs:
- Conversation feels easy and you lose track of time.
- They remember things you told them last week.
- You laugh at the same things.
- They ask questions back.
- You leave feeling lighter, not drained.
Two or three people like this in your first couple of months is a great result. You don’t need a big group; you need a few people who are genuinely good company for you. Our guide to making friends with locals abroad is useful here too, because the people you click with won’t always be fellow newcomers.
Step 5: Move it outside the activity
Here’s the gentle leap: suggesting a plan that isn’t the club. It’s the moment an acquaintance can start becoming a friend. Keep it small and linked to what you share:
- “Fancy a coffee after Saturday’s run?”
- “There’s a free concert in the park on Sunday afternoon, want to come?”
- “I’m trying that new bakery near the station. Join me one morning?”
If typing the invite is the hard part, our list of messages to invite someone to hang out has copy-paste texts for every situation, plus what to do if they don’t reply.
When you’re meeting people you don’t know well yet, keep it simple and safe: a public place, a friend who knows where you are, your own way home, and leave if anything feels off.
Step 6: Build the circle by connecting people
Individual friendships are great. A circle is even better, because it doesn’t fall apart when one person moves away. And expat friends move away a lot. The way to build one is to become the person who connects people:
- Introduce people to each other. Your running friend and your language-exchange friend might get on brilliantly.
- Host small things. A picnic, a games afternoon, a Sunday lunch. Small and repeatable beats big and stressful.
- Create a ritual. First Friday drinks, a monthly hike, Sunday pancakes. Rituals give people a reason to come back without anyone having to organise from scratch.
- Say yes to their plans too. Friendship goes both ways; showing up for their birthday or their gig matters.
Our step-by-step 4-week plan for making friends abroad has a schedule you can follow if you’d like more structure.
How to find your people abroad when it isn’t working
Sometimes you do everything right, follow every step on how to find your people abroad, and still feel like you haven’t found anyone. A few honest checks:
- Is it the right activity? If you’ve been going for six weeks and dread it, try a different one. That’s useful information, not failure.
- Are you staying long enough? Arriving just in time and leaving the moment it ends leaves no room for conversation.
- Are you inviting people? Waiting to be invited can mean waiting a long time. Most people are delighted to be asked.
- Is it a dip, not a verdict? Many people hit a low patch a few months in. Our guide to expat loneliness explains why it hits and what helps.
If low mood sticks around or gets worse, talk to a doctor or a counsellor. Feeling isolated in a new country is common, and you don’t have to push through it alone.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web now, starting in Malta: open MeetNow in your browser and see the plans posted in Malta. (MeetNow is our own app.)
Frequently asked questions (FAQ)
How long does it take to find your people abroad?
Expect months rather than weeks. Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas estimated around 50 hours together to become casual friends and more than 200 hours for close friends, so regular contact matters more than how many events you attend.
Where is the best place to find your people abroad?
Wherever the thing you care about already happens on a regular schedule: a running club, a choir, a climbing gym, a volunteering project or a language exchange. Repeated activities beat one-off mixers.
Should I only make friends with other expats?
Other expats are often easier to meet at first because they’re also looking for friends. Mixing in at least one local activity, such as a sports club or volunteering, helps you build a wider and more lasting circle.
What if I don’t click with anyone?
Give a group three or four visits before judging it, then try a different activity rather than giving up. If you consistently feel low or isolated, talk to a doctor or a counsellor as well.
Is it harder to find your people abroad as an introvert?
It can feel harder, but structured activities help: a class, a club or a volunteering shift gives you something to do while conversation builds slowly. One-on-one coffees often suit introverts better than big events.
How do I turn acquaintances into my people?
Suggest one small plan outside the activity, like a coffee after class, then repeat it. Introducing people to each other and hosting small get-togethers turns separate acquaintances into a circle.
