The short answer: making friends with locals abroad rarely happens at expat events or in bars. It happens when you join something locals already do every week (a sports club, a choir, a volunteering team, a class taught in the local language), show up for months, speak at least some of their language, and then take the first step: suggest a coffee, a walk or a small plan. Locals are not unfriendly; their calendars are simply full. Your job is to become a familiar face in a place they already go.
On my first move abroad, almost all my friends for the first year were other foreigners. That was fine, and some of them are still close friends. But I only started to feel at home when I had a couple of local friends too, and that came from a very different strategy from the one that found me the expats. This guide explains why locals are harder to befriend, where they actually spend their time, a step-by-step method with copy-paste messages, and a four-week plan.
Why making friends with locals abroad is harder
It is not about you. A few structural reasons explain most of it:
- Locals already have a network. Friends from school, university, family, a partner’s friends, colleagues. They are not actively looking, so you are competing with people they have known for years.
- They are not in the places you go. Expat events, international language exchanges and English-speaking Meetup groups are, by design, full of other foreigners.
- Language. Even if locals speak good English, their social life happens in their own language. Being able to follow a group conversation in it changes everything.
- Different friendship scripts. In some countries friendships are slow to start and plans are made weeks ahead; in others, plans are spontaneous but circles are tight. What looks like coldness is often just a different rhythm.
- Time. Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas suggests it takes roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend and about 90 hours to become friends. Locals with full lives have fewer spare hours, so the hours have to come from something you both already do.
Where locals actually are
The best places are those where locals meet regularly for a reason other than meeting new people:
Clubs and associations
In much of Europe, social life runs through clubs: sports clubs, hiking clubs, choirs, amateur theatre, chess and board-game clubs, allotment and community-garden associations. In Germany these are the famous Vereine; in Spain, Portugal and Italy many towns have neighbourhood associations and cultural centres with classes and events. Joining one means seeing the same people every week, often with a drink or a meal afterwards.
Team sports
Five-a-side football, volleyball, basketball, hockey, rowing, running clubs and climbing gyms all build friendship through repetition and a shared goal. Choose a club with adult beginner or social sessions rather than a competitive team if you are new to the sport.
Volunteering
Food banks, charity shops, animal shelters, community kitchens and environmental projects attract locals of all ages. Working side by side for a few hours is one of the fastest ways to get past small talk.
Classes taught in the local language
Cooking, pottery, dance, photography, yoga: any class taught in the local language will be mostly locals. Even with intermediate language skills, the activity carries the conversation.
Your neighbourhood
Becoming a regular at the same café, bakery, market stall or bar is slow but powerful. Over months, nods become chats, and chats become invitations to the neighbourhood festival or the local football match.
Work
Colleagues are often your most natural local contacts. Say yes to lunches and after-work drinks, and ask colleagues for recommendations; people like being asked about their city.
Step by step: from stranger to local friend
Step 1: Choose one local activity and commit
Pick one club, team, class or volunteering project that meets weekly and runs in the local language. Commit to three months. One activity done consistently beats five tried once.
Step 2: Be easy to talk to
Arrive a few minutes early, help set up, and stay a little after. Learn names and use them. Ask small, specific questions: “How long have you been coming here?”, “Where’s good for coffee around here?” Locals usually enjoy explaining their city.
Step 3: Use the local language, even badly
Start conversations in the local language and switch to English only if the other person does. Effort is noticed and appreciated. A one-to-one language swap with a local is a good shortcut; our guide to finding a tandem partner in person explains how to set one up. If you freeze on what to say first, our conversation starters for expats give you openers to practise.
Step 4: Join the after-activity
The drink after training, the coffee after the class, the lunch after the volunteering shift: that is where acquaintances form. If there is no after-activity, suggest one: “Anyone fancy a coffee?”
Step 5: Make the first one-to-one invitation
After a few weeks of regular contact, invite one person to something small and specific. Keep it short, low-pressure and connected to something you already talked about.
Step 6: Repeat and reciprocate
Friendship is built on repeated contact. If someone invites you, say yes and invite them back. If they decline, suggest another date once. People are busy; one “no” is not rejection.
Copy-paste scripts
Adapt these to the local language as soon as you can. Even a first line in the local language helps.
At a club or class
- “I’m new here and trying to get to know the area. Do you usually go for something after the session?”
- “You clearly know what you’re doing. Would you mind showing me that again after training?”
- “A few of us are getting a coffee after class, do you want to come?”
Turning a chat into a plan
- “You mentioned that market on Saturdays. I was planning to go this weekend, want to come along?”
- “I’m trying to find a good place for [local dish]. Is there anywhere you’d recommend? Maybe we could go after training next week.”
- “I’d love to practise my [language] with someone patient. Would you be up for a coffee one evening? I’m happy to help with English in return.”
Following up
- “Great to chat on Thursday. Are you around next week for that walk?”
- “No worries if not this week. How about the one after?”
- “Thanks for showing me that place. Next one’s on me.”
If you want more examples for different situations, our scripts for asking someone to hang out cover coworkers, neighbours and group chats too. And for the longer journey from acquaintance to close friend, see how to turn acquaintances into friends.
A worked example: from running club to friendship
Here is how the steps above typically play out, using a hypothetical newcomer who joins a local running club in a new city:
- Weeks 1–2: she runs with the slowest group, introduces herself in the local language and learns the names of two regulars. She stays for the coffee afterwards, even though she understands only half the conversation.
- Weeks 3–4: she asks one of the regulars about a race mentioned at coffee. They chat about routes, and she asks for a recommendation for a good bakery near the park.
- Weeks 5–6: she suggests trying that bakery together after the Saturday run. The answer is “not this week, maybe next”. She asks again the following week, and it happens.
- Weeks 7–10: the bakery becomes a habit for a small group after Saturday runs. One of them invites her to a birthday dinner, where she meets friends from outside the club.
Nothing dramatic happens at any single step. The friendship comes from the same people, the same place, every week, plus a few small invitations.
Small talk in another culture
Small talk norms vary a lot across Europe, and getting them roughly right makes locals more comfortable with you:
- Greet properly. In many countries, saying hello to everyone when you arrive (and goodbye when you leave) matters more than you might expect.
- Safe topics: the neighbourhood, food, the activity you are doing together, local recommendations, weekend plans and, almost everywhere, the weather.
- Go slowly with personal questions. In some cultures, asking about salaries, rent or politics early on feels intrusive.
- Listen for the invitation. “You should come to our barbecue sometime” may be a real invitation or a polite phrase. Follow up with a specific question (“When is it?”) to find out.
A four-week plan to meet locals
- Week 1: sign up for one local activity that meets weekly (a club, team, class or volunteering shift). Become a regular at one café or market stall. Learn ten useful phrases for small talk.
- Week 2: go back to the activity. Arrive early, learn three names, and stay for the after-activity drink or coffee.
- Week 3: start a one-to-one language swap with a local, or ask someone from your activity for a recommendation and suggest going together.
- Week 4: make one specific invitation to a local you have met at least three times. Then keep showing up to the activity, whatever the answer.
Repeat the cycle with patience. In many cities, the first local friendship takes three to six months, and the second one comes faster because the first one introduces you to their friends.
Country notes: how locals tend to make friends
Broad patterns, not rules, but useful for not taking things personally:
- Germany: clubs and associations are central; plans are made in advance and punctuality matters. People may separate work and private life, so a colleague becoming a friend can take time.
- Netherlands: calendars fill weeks ahead. Suggest a specific date. Directness is normal and not meant as rudeness.
- Spain: warm and spontaneous, with late social hours, but long-standing friend groups. Activities and neighbourhood life are the way in. In Madrid, for example, clubs and volunteering help a lot; our guide to making friends in Madrid lists verified options.
- Portugal: polite and often reserved at first; coffee and meals are where friendships grow, and effort with Portuguese is appreciated.
- France: greetings and politeness matter. Associations (associations) for sport, culture and volunteering are a common route into local circles.
- Italy: family and childhood friends are central; food and the evening aperitivo are natural invitations.
- Ireland: chatty and welcoming; deeper friendships often come through sport (including the GAA), music sessions and “a friend of a friend”.
Mistakes that keep you in the expat bubble
- Only going to international events. They are great for your first weeks, but they rarely include locals.
- Switching to English too quickly. Hold on in the local language a little longer than feels comfortable.
- Treating one “no” as final. Suggest another date once. Many local friendships start on the second or third attempt.
- Complaining about the country. Shared moaning bonds expats, but it puts locals off. Ask questions instead.
- Waiting to be invited. Locals often assume you already have plans. Be the one who suggests something.
Expat friends and local friends: you need both
There is nothing wrong with expat friends. They understand what you are going through and they are often the people who get you through the first year. Local friends add something different: language, belonging and a window into how life really works where you live. Aim for a mix. Our guide to making friends abroad covers the overall method, and if you have just arrived, the week-by-week plan in moving abroad alone shows how to fit local activities into your first 90 days.
Staying safe
When meeting someone new one-to-one, choose a busy public place, tell a friend where you are going, arrange your own way home and leave if anything feels off.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web now, starting in Malta, with the phone apps on the way: open MeetNow and see the plans near you. (MeetNow is our own app; see our disclosure.)
Frequently asked questions
Why is it so hard to make friends with locals abroad?
Mostly because locals already have established networks and full calendars, and because they are rarely at expat events. Joining activities locals already do every week, and using their language, makes a big difference.
Where can I meet locals in a new country?
Sports clubs, choirs, hiking and cultural associations, volunteering projects, classes taught in the local language, your workplace and your neighbourhood café or market are the most reliable places.
Do I need to speak the language to make local friends?
Not perfectly, but some of it helps enormously. Locals often speak English, but their social life happens in their own language. Trying, even with mistakes, is noticed and appreciated.
How long does it take to make friends with locals?
Often three to six months of regular contact for a first real friendship. Research suggests around 50 hours together to become casual friends and about 90 hours to become friends, so weekly shared activities are the fastest route.
How do I invite a local to hang out without it being awkward?
Make it small, specific and linked to something you already talked about, for example: “You mentioned that market on Saturdays. I’m going this weekend, want to come?” Offer an easy out and suggest another date once if they are busy.
Is it bad to only have expat friends?
No. Expat friends are valuable, especially early on. But a mix of expat and local friends usually helps you feel more at home and makes it easier to settle long term.
