The short answer: to make friends abroad, treat friendship as a time budget rather than a personality test. Join one or two things that meet every week, keep going back so the same faces repeat, and after two or three meetings invite one person to a small, specific plan. Most people need three to six months to feel they have real friends in a new country, and closer to a year for a circle. Below is a four-week plan that gets you started, plus copy-paste messages for the awkward bit.
I have moved abroad twice. Both times I made the same mistake in the first month: I went to lots of different one-off events, met dozens of people, and ended up with a phone full of names and nobody to call on a Sunday. What finally worked was boring and repeatable. The method below is that boring, repeatable thing, written down so you can skip the lonely bit faster.
Why making friends abroad feels harder
At home, friendships mostly happened to you. School, university, a first job and a home town all put you in the same rooms as the same people, week after week, without anyone having to organise it. Moving abroad removes all of that at once. You lose:
- Default contact. No classmates, no colleagues you grew up with, no friend-of-a-friend network.
- Shared shorthand. Jokes, references and social rules you never had to think about.
- Language ease. Even if you speak the language, being slightly slower in conversation is tiring.
- Time zones. The people who know you best are asleep when you most want to talk.
None of this means you are bad at friendship. It means you now have to build deliberately what used to be built for you. That is a skill, and skills can be learned.
Friendship is a time budget: what the research says
The most useful single fact I know about making friends as an adult comes from Jeffrey Hall, a communication researcher at the University of Kansas. In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, he surveyed 355 adults who had moved to a new city in the previous six months and were looking for friends, plus a group of first-year university students. According to the University of Kansas summary of the research, it took roughly:
- 40–60 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend (about 50 in the adult sample);
- 80–100 hours to become a friend (about 90 in the adult sample);
- more than 200 hours to become a close friend.
Hall also found that how you spend the time matters: hanging out, joking around and playing games counts for much more than hours spent working together.
Translate that into a week abroad. A two-hour weekly club evening gives you about eight hours a month with the same people. That puts you at casual-friend level with the regulars after around six months, unless you add time outside the club. That is the whole game: find people you see repeatedly, then add hours outside the setting where you met.
The three pools of people you can befriend
Almost everyone you will meet falls into one of three pools. Each has strengths, and the best circles mix all three.
1. Other expats
Easiest to meet and quickest to bond with, because they are in the same position and actively looking. The downside is churn: many will move on within a couple of years. Expat meetups, international clubs and online communities are full of them.
2. Locals
Slower to befriend, because most already have full lives and long-standing friends. But local friendships tend to last, and they are what make a city feel like home. You will mostly meet locals through shared activities: sports clubs, choirs, volunteering, classes, language exchanges (where locals are practising your language) and work.
3. Other newcomers who are not “expats”
People who moved from another part of the same country, international students, people who returned after years away. They are often the sweet spot: open to new friends like expats, but planning to stay like locals.
For a city-specific example of how these pools play out, see our guide on how to make friends in Berlin, where the slow-to-open local culture makes the mix especially important.
Choose your anchors: what actually works abroad
An “anchor” is anything that puts you in the same room as the same people on a regular schedule. You want one or two. Good anchors abroad:
- Team or club sports. Football, volleyball, rowing, running clubs, climbing courses. Built-in repetition plus a drink afterwards.
- Language classes and exchanges. A class is a ready-made group; an exchange gives you locals who want to talk to you.
- Volunteering with a regular slot. A shared task removes small-talk pressure.
- Choirs, bands, theatre and improv. Creative groups bond quickly because you have to be a little vulnerable together.
- Free weekly runs or walks. In many European countries, parkrun hosts free, timed 5 km events every Saturday morning, where walkers are welcome and volunteers become regulars fast.
- Recurring social meetups. A weekly pub night, board-game evening or book club for internationals.
What usually does not work as an anchor: huge one-off parties, conferences, and anything where the crowd is different each time. They are fine for meeting people, but they do not repeat, so they never add up to hours.
The four-week plan
This is the plan I wish I had been handed on arrival. It assumes you can give it two or three evenings or mornings a week. Adjust the pace, not the order.
Week 1: say yes to everything recurring
- Shortlist three possible anchors (for example a sports club trial, a language exchange and a volunteering shift) and try all three.
- Add one big one-off event if you have energy, purely to scout.
- Goal: learn three names and work out which anchor felt most like “your people”.
Week 2: repeat
- Go back to your best one or two anchors. The second visit is the most important one you will make: it is when people start to recognise you.
- Use names. Ask one follow-up question about something they told you last week (“How did the flat viewing go?”).
- Goal: be recognised.
Week 3: invite one person
- Pick one person you have now seen twice and enjoyed talking to.
- Suggest something small, specific and close to the anchor: a coffee after the session, a walk at the weekend, a market visit.
- Goal: your first hour together outside the setting where you met.
Week 4: host a small plan
- Invite three to five people (from different anchors if you like) to one simple thing at a public place: brunch, a picnic, a board-game afternoon, a pub quiz team.
- Give it a day, a time, a place, and say how the bill works (“let’s each pay our own”).
- Goal: become the person who makes plans. Every group needs one, and that person is never short of friends.
After week four, keep the anchors going and repeat the small plan every two to three weeks. The hours accumulate quietly. Re-assess at three months, not three weeks.
Copy-paste invite templates
The hardest part of making friends abroad is not meeting people. It is the moment you suggest seeing each other outside the place you met. These messages work because they are specific (a real plan with a time) and have an easy out.
To someone from a language exchange
“Hey, it was fun swapping Spanish and English with you on Thursday. I’m going to the Saturday market around 11 if you fancy a coffee and a wander, no worries if you’re busy.”
To someone from a club or class
“A couple of us are getting food after training next week. Want to come along? Totally fine if not.”
To a colleague
“I’m still finding my way around the city. Any chance you’d be up for lunch somewhere that isn’t the office canteen on Friday?”
A group-chat invite for your week-four plan
“Hosting a small brunch on Sunday at 11:30 at the café by the park (we’ll each pay our own). A few people from running club and the Tuesday exchange are coming. Reply here if you’re in, and feel free to bring someone.”
The follow-up that keeps it going
“That was great, let’s do it again. Same time in two weeks?”
The follow-up is where most fledgling friendships quietly die. Suggesting the next plan before the current one ends is one of the simplest habits you can build.
Variants: introverts, non-drinkers and people over 30
If you are an introvert
Pick structured anchors where there is something to do besides talk: climbing, volunteering, a class, a choir. One-to-one plans (a coffee, a walk) usually suit introverts better than big groups. Plan recovery time; it is a marathon, not a sprint.
If you do not drink
In pub-centred cultures you may need to be more deliberate. Morning and daytime anchors (runs, markets, classes, coffee-based exchanges) are your friends, and hosting is easier when you choose the venue. Saying “I’m not drinking, but I’d love to come” is enough; nobody needs a reason.
If you are in your 30s or older
People in their 30s often have less free time and more settled lives, so the bar to a new friendship is higher. Two things help: shared interests that repeat (a club, a class), and being the organiser. Busy people are often grateful when someone else does the planning.
Making friends with locals
Local friendships often take longest but last longest. A few things that help almost everywhere in Europe:
- Learn the language, even badly. Effort counts. Even small talk in the local language changes how people respond to you.
- Join local, not just international, groups. A neighbourhood sports club or choir mixes you with locals around a shared task.
- Learn the planning culture. In some countries people plan weeks ahead; in others, things are more spontaneous. Copy the locals.
- Be a regular. The same café, the same market stall, the same gym slot. Recognition comes first, friendship follows.
- Accept the pace. Many locals warm up slowly because their lives are already full. Patience is not rejection.
Keeping friends back home (without stalling your new life)
Old friendships do not have to fade, but they do change. A few habits keep them alive without eating the evenings you need for building a new life:
- Schedule the call. A standing fortnightly video call is better than vague “we must catch up” messages.
- Use asynchronous messages. Voice notes and photos work across time zones.
- Plan visits deliberately. One visit each way per year is more meaningful than constant low-level contact.
- Watch the evening trap. If you are on the phone home every night, you are not at the language exchange. Both matter; balance them.
Staying safe when you meet new people
The basics apply everywhere: meet in a public place, tell a friend where you are going, arrange your own way home, and leave if anything feels off. Group plans at busy venues are a good first step with anyone you have only met online.
Turn it into a plan
The whole method comes down to repeated time with the same people, plus someone willing to suggest the next plan. Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web now, starting in Malta, with the phone apps on the way: open MeetNow and see the plans near you. (MeetNow is our own app; see our disclosure.)
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to make friends abroad?
Most people need three to six months to feel they have a few real friends in a new country and around a year for a reliable circle. Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas suggests roughly 50 hours together to become casual friends and about 90 hours to become friends, so weekly, repeated contact matters more than meeting lots of people once.
How do I make friends abroad as an introvert?
Choose structured activities with a built-in focus, such as a class, a climbing course, a choir or volunteering, so conversation is not the only thing happening. Favour one-to-one plans over big parties, keep one or two weekly anchors, and pace yourself with recovery time.
Is it harder to make friends abroad in your 30s?
It can be, because people have less free time and more settled social lives. It is still very doable: pick groups built around a shared interest that meet regularly, and become the person who organises small plans. Busy people appreciate someone else doing the planning.
How do I make friends with locals rather than only expats?
Join local clubs, classes and volunteering projects rather than only international meetups, go to language exchanges where locals practise your language, learn at least some of the local language, and become a regular at the same places. Expect local friendships to take longer, and to last longer.
Can I make friends abroad if I don’t speak the language?
Yes. Most large European cities have English-speaking clubs, international groups and language exchanges. Learning the local language widens your options considerably, and taking a class gives you a ready-made weekly group of fellow learners.
What should I say to turn an acquaintance into a friend?
Suggest one specific, low-pressure plan with a time and an easy out, for example: “I’m going to the market on Saturday around 11, fancy a coffee? No worries if you’re busy.” Then, at the end, suggest the next one. Specific beats vague every time.
Last checked October 2026. Read more about Make Friends Abroad and how we research our guides.
