The first month in a new country usually follows a pattern. The flat is sorted, the bank card arrives and you know which supermarket aisle has the decent bread. Then a weekend comes where nobody messages you. If you are working out how to make friends after moving to a new country, that quiet weekend does not prove you are bad at this. It is the starting line. What you do over the next four weeks matters more than how outgoing you are.
I have moved abroad twice. The first time, I waited for friendships to grow out of the office and spent a long, quiet winter wondering why nothing stuck. The second time, I treated it like a small project. I chose two activities that repeated every week and sent one follow-up message after every good conversation. I also made a rule that I would suggest the second meeting instead of waiting to be asked. The second approach worked, slowly and then all at once.
This guide sets that approach out step by step. It covers an honest timeline based on research, word-for-word lines for first conversations and copy-paste messages for the follow-up. It also shows you a way into friend groups that already exist and gives you a four-week plan you can start on Monday.
Why making friends abroad feels harder than it should
At home, most of your friendships were probably built by structures you never chose: a school year, a university corridor, a five-a-side team, a flatshare. Those structures did the hard part for you. They put the same people in front of you week after week until familiarity turned into friendship. When you move abroad as an adult, those structures disappear. Everyone you meet already has a full calendar, a partner, family nearby or a group chat that has been running since secondary school.
You are also far from alone in finding it tough. According to the Expat Insider survey, less than half of expats worldwide, roughly 47%, have historically said they find it easy to make new friends in a foreign country (InterNations). The same organisation’s Ease of Settling In Index checks whether expats are content with their social life, have a personal support network and find it easy to make local friends. It regularly places Nordic countries and German-speaking nations such as Germany and Austria near the bottom, and expats there report that locals can take a long time to open up (InterNations).
None of that means it cannot be done in Berlin, Prague or anywhere else. It means the default setting is slow, so you need a method rather than hope.
How long does it take to make friends in a new country?
Communication researcher Jeffrey Hall published a study on this question in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. He estimated that it takes around 50 hours together to move from acquaintance to casual friend, around 90 hours to become a real friend and more than 200 hours to become a close friend (summary of Hall’s findings).
His second finding matters just as much. Simply sharing a space, such as working side by side in an office or sitting in the same classroom, does little to push a friendship forward on its own. What moves people closer is time spent actively hanging out, joking around, doing leisure activities together and having real everyday conversations (overview of the research).
That explains two things most expats notice. Colleagues you see every day can stay colleagues for a year. Meanwhile, someone you have done three Sunday hikes with can feel like a friend surprisingly fast.
Worked example (an illustration, not data): say you meet someone at a weekly two-hour language exchange and you usually chat for another half hour afterwards. That gives you a couple of hours of shared time a week, so reaching the casual-friend stage at that pace would take around five months. Now add one separate plan each week, such as a market visit or a long walk. You roughly double your shared time and cut the wait roughly in half, with the same person.
| Stage | What it feels like | What moves it on |
|---|---|---|
| Acquaintance | You know their name and why they are in the city | Repeated contact at the same activity, then a number swap |
| Casual friend | You message about plans, not just logistics | One-to-one plans outside the place you met |
| Friend | You talk about things that matter, not just your week | Honesty, small favours in both directions, regular plans |
| Close friend | They are the person you call when things go wrong | Time, vulnerability and showing up for the big moments |
How to make friends after moving to a new country: the method
Everything below rests on Hall’s two findings: you need hours, and those hours need to be active. The method has five parts.
1. Choose two recurring anchors
An anchor is an activity where the same people turn up at the same time, every week or every fortnight. One-off events are fine for meeting people, but anchors are where friendships form, because they give you repetition for free. Good anchors include:
- a weekly language exchange
- a sports club or social running group
- a choir
- a volunteering shift
- a climbing gym with a regular crowd
- a board game afternoon
- a course you have signed up for in advance
Pick one anchor that suits you as you are and one that stretches you a little. If most of the social life on offer revolves around bars, there are plenty of ways to make friends without drinking that work just as well.
2. Become a regular
Go to the same session, sit in roughly the same spot and arrive a few minutes early. People chat in those early minutes, and the activity itself is often too structured for it. Learn names and use them the next time you see someone. If you remember that Luca was nervous about his driving test, that is worth more than any opener.
3. Move one person out of the group within a week
When you click with someone, suggest a specific, low-stakes plan within a few days. Skip “we should hang out sometime” and give a day, a place and an activity. The window is short. By the following week the warm feeling has cooled, and it feels awkward to bring up.
4. Repeat before you expand
The second and third meetings matter more than the first. Instead of chasing lots of new people each month, aim to see two or three people again. Most expat friendships quietly stall in this middle stage. Our guide to turning acquaintances into friends goes deeper on how to get through it.
5. Keep a light tracker
It sounds unromantic, but it works. Keep a note on your phone with each person’s first name, where you met, one thing they told you and when you last spoke. When a fortnight passes without contact, you will notice and can send a message before the connection fades.
What to say when you meet someone new abroad
Openers do not need to be clever. They should be about the setting you share, slightly personal and easy to answer. The best ones also admit that you are new. Being new is the most relatable thing about you, and it gives the other person an easy way to help.
| Where you are | Opener | Follow-up |
|---|---|---|
| Language exchange | “Which language are you working on? I’m trying to get my Spanish past ordering coffee.” | “What made you start learning it?” |
| Sports session or class | “Is this your usual session? I’m new and still working out which one to stick with.” | “How long have you been coming?” |
| Coworking space | “Have you found a decent lunch spot round here? I’m still testing them.” | “Are you based here most days?” |
| A colleague’s birthday | “How do you know the birthday girl?” | “What do you get up to when you’re not working?” |
| Your building | “I’ve just moved in upstairs. Is there a bakery nearby you’d recommend?” | “Have you lived in the area long?” |
A worked example
Here is how a first conversation at a Thursday language exchange can go. It follows a simple shape: the shared setting, a small personal detail, a question one level deeper and a bridge to next time.
- You: “Which language are you practising? I’m on English duty, but I’m secretly here for the Spanish.”
- Marta: “English. I need it for work, my new boss is from Dublin.”
- You: “Ha, I moved in the opposite direction. How is the new job going?”
- Marta: “Busy, but good. The commute is the worst part.”
- You: “What would you do with the time if you didn’t have the commute?”
- Marta: “Honestly? Go climbing more.”
- You, near the end: “I’m here most Thursdays. Will you be back next week? I want to hear whether your boss is as chatty as everyone back home.”
Notice what does not happen. Nobody recites their CV, and nobody lists every country they have travelled to. The deeper question gives you something real to remember, and the bridge makes next week feel natural. For more lines by situation, see our list of conversation starters for expats.
Questions that get past small talk
- “What made you stay here rather than moving on?”
- “What does a good Saturday look like for you in this city?”
- “What surprised you most when you first arrived?” This also works with locals who moved from another region.
- “What do you miss from home, and what would you miss from here if you left?”
Copy-paste messages for the follow-up
Most expat friendships do not fail because the first conversation went badly. They fail because nobody sent the second message. Each template below follows three rules:
- It names a specific day or activity.
- It refers back to something you talked about.
- It gives the other person an easy way to say no.
Swap the names and details for your own.
Swapping numbers
“This was fun. Shall we swap numbers? I’ll send you that bakery I kept going on about.”
The day-after message
“Hi Marta, it’s Alex from the Thursday language exchange. Good luck with the commute this week! I’m trying the climbing wall near the river on Saturday morning if you fancy joining. No pressure at all.”
The specific invite
“I’m heading to the flea market on Sunday around eleven and then probably getting lunch. Want to come along? Totally fine if you’ve got plans.”
The small group invite
“A few of us from the Tuesday run are getting brunch after next week’s session. Come along if you’re free.”
Restarting after a quiet spell
“Sorry I went quiet, work swallowed me for a couple of weeks. Still up for that walk? I’m free Saturday or Sunday afternoon.”
Turning it into a routine
“That was the best Sunday I’ve had since moving. Same again in a fortnight? I’ll find us a new café.”
Do you freeze at the moment of asking? Our guide on how to ask someone to hang out as a friend has scripts for different confidence levels. It also shows ways to make it clear you mean friendship and nothing else.
How to join an existing friend group
Sooner or later you will meet someone who already has a group. It might be colleagues who do lunch every Friday, locals who met at university or a long-running circle of expats. Getting into an established group is a different skill from making a single friend, and patience matters more than charm.
- Find the connector. Most groups have one person who organises, books tables and adds people to chats. Get to know that person first, because their invite carries weight with everyone else.
- Say yes to the smaller invites. Go to the birthday of someone you barely know, help with the Saturday flat move and join the slightly dull museum trip. These moments build shared history with the group.
- Bring something. That could be food for a picnic, a game for an afternoon in or a tip about a new place. Contributing turns you from a guest into a member.
- Build one-to-one links inside the group. Groups accept people who are already friends with two or three members. Grab a coffee with one person between group meet-ups.
- Offer to host or organise. Once you have joined in a few times, suggest the next plan yourself. It is the clearest sign that you want to belong.
Two lines that work well:
“Loved the picnic on Sunday. If you lot do another one, count me in, and I’ll bring the food this time.”
“Thanks for including me in all of this. I’d like to host the next one, maybe lunch at mine in a few weeks? Which weekends suit everyone?”
Groups of locals can take longer, especially where friendships often date back to school. Slow progress is not the same as rejection. Our guide to making friends with locals abroad covers how effort with the language and steady consistency change the picture.
A 4-week plan for your first month
This plan assumes you have a few free hours on weekday evenings and part of each weekend. If your job is demanding, stretch it over eight weeks. The order matters more than the speed.
| Week | Focus | Actions | Message to send |
|---|---|---|---|
| Week 1 | Set up anchors | Choose two recurring activities, sign up and go to each one once. Learn at least three first names. | None yet. Just say “See you next week.” |
| Week 2 | Become familiar | Go back to both anchors, arrive early and use names. Swap numbers with one or two people you clicked with. | Swapping numbers, then the day-after message |
| Week 3 | First one-to-one | Suggest one specific plan outside an anchor. Add one one-off event to widen the net. | The specific invite |
| Week 4 | Repeat and host | See your week-three person again, or bring two or three anchor people together for something small. Review your tracker. | Turning it into a routine, or the small group invite |
Week 1: set up your anchors
Spend an evening searching for recurring activities near where you live or work, because long journeys kill good intentions. Commit to two and put them in your calendar like appointments. At each one, your only job is to talk to a few people and remember their names. Do not judge the activity on your first visit, as first sessions are always the most awkward.
Week 2: become a familiar face
Go back. Most people skip this step, and it is the most important one. Greet people by name and ask about something they mentioned last week. If a conversation flows, suggest swapping numbers, and send the day-after message within twenty-four hours.
Week 3: make the first one-to-one plan
Pick the person you found it easiest to talk to and send the specific invite. Keep the plan short and daytime-friendly: a coffee and a walk, a market, a museum or a hike. If they say no, suggest one other date, then let it rest and try someone else. Add one one-off event this week as well, so new faces keep coming in.
Week 4: repeat, then host
Either see your week-three person again or bring two or three people from your anchors together. Keep it simple, such as a picnic, a brunch or a board game afternoon. Hosting even a tiny plan changes how people see you. You go from newcomer to someone who makes things happen. At the end of the week, look at your tracker and decide who you want to keep investing in.
After week 4: keep both anchors going for at least three months. That is how the hours from Hall’s research quietly add up. For me, the weekends stopped feeling empty somewhere in the third month.
Meeting new people safely
Most first meet-ups are completely ordinary. A few habits mean you never have to think twice:
- Meet in a public place the first time, such as a café, a park or a busy market.
- Tell a friend, a flatmate or someone back home where you are going and who you are meeting.
- Arrange your own way there and your own way home, so you can leave whenever you like.
- Leave if anything feels uncomfortable. You do not owe anyone an explanation, and “I’m going to head off” is enough.
- Keep the first plan short, with a natural end point such as a single coffee or one lap of a market.
Mistakes that slow everything down
- Trying something new every week. Variety feels productive, but without repetition you meet people once and never again.
- Waiting to be invited. Everyone assumes the newcomer is busy settling in, so be the one who asks.
- Relying only on work. Colleagues can become friends, but sharing a desk is not the same as sharing time, as Hall’s research suggests.
- Only meeting other new arrivals. Fellow expats understand what you are going through, but many of them move on. Mix in locals and long-term residents who are staying put.
- Treating one no as a verdict. People cancel because of work, family or tiredness. Try once more before you draw conclusions.
- Ignoring how you feel. If the quiet weekends are starting to weigh on you, read our guide to expat loneliness. It is common, and it is fixable.
In the end, how to make friends after moving to a new country comes down to a few repeatable habits more than personality. Turn up at the same places, remember the details and send the second message. Then keep doing it long enough for the hours to count.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web and works in your browser, starting in Malta. The Android app is on Google Play; the iPhone app is not in the App Store yet. Open MeetNow and see the plans posted in Malta.
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to make friends in a new country?
Longer than most people expect. Jeffrey Hall’s research found that friendships are built over dozens of hours of shared, active time, and close friendships take far longer still. With two weekly activities and regular one-to-one plans you can build casual friendships over a few months, while close friendships take considerably longer, so be patient with yourself.
What should I say when I meet someone new abroad?
Start with the setting you share, admit you are new and ask an easy question. For example, ask whether this is their usual session or what made them start learning a language. Then ask one question that goes a level deeper, and finish with a bridge to next time, such as mentioning that you will be back next week.
How do I join an existing friend group?
Get to know the person who organises things, say yes to smaller invites, bring something when you come along and build one-to-one friendships with two or three members. Once you have joined in a few times, offer to host or organise the next plan yourself.
Should I make friends with locals or other expats?
Both. Other expats understand what you are going through and are often open to new friends, but many eventually move on. Locals and long-term residents can take longer to get to know, especially in some northern and German-speaking countries, but they tend to give you deeper roots in the city.
How can I make friends abroad if I am an introvert?
Lean on structured, repeated activities where there is something to do besides talk, such as a class, a sport or volunteering. Aim for depth with a few people rather than breadth, and use the copy-paste messages so the follow-up takes less energy. Small one-to-one plans usually work better than big group events.
Is it normal to still feel lonely months after moving?
Yes. Loneliness after a move is very common, and many expats find making friends abroad a real hurdle, so it is not a personal failing. Keep your weekly activities going and stay in touch with people back home. If loneliness starts to affect your sleep, work or mood, talk to a doctor or a mental health professional.
