The short answer: expat loneliness is extremely common, usually hits hardest a few weeks to a few months after a move (once the novelty fades), and it is not a sign that you made the wrong decision. It eases with small, repeated contact: one or two weekly activities where the same people turn up, one small invitation a week, and regular calls with people at home. If loneliness turns into persistent low mood, hopelessness or thoughts of self-harm, talk to a doctor or a helpline; the numbers are listed below.
The first time I moved abroad, the loneliness did not arrive in the first week. The first week was full of errands, new streets and novelty. It arrived around the second month, on an ordinary Sunday, when I realised there was nobody in the city I could text to go for a coffee. If that sounds familiar, this guide is for you: what is going on, why it is so normal, and a practical plan to get through it.
Why expat loneliness hits (and why it is not your fault)
Moving abroad strips away almost every source of casual social contact at once. At home, you probably never had to think about where friendship came from. It was built into school, work, family, a neighbourhood, a local pub. Abroad, all of that has to be rebuilt deliberately, while you are also dealing with paperwork, a new language and a new job.
The usual causes
- Loss of default contact. No familiar faces at the shop, no friends a short walk away, no family dinners.
- Time zones. The people who know you best are asleep, at work or busy when you most need them.
- Language and cultural friction. Every interaction takes a little more energy, so it is tempting to stay in.
- A partner’s or a job’s move. If you moved for someone else’s job, you may not even have colleagues to start with.
- Remote work. Working from your flat in a new city can mean days without a real conversation.
- Churn. In international cities, the friends you make are often leaving too.
None of this is a personal failing. It is the predictable result of starting from zero. And the fix is equally predictable: friendship is mostly built from hours spent together, repeated over time. Research by communication scholar Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas, which surveyed adults who had recently moved to a new city, estimated that it takes roughly 50 hours together to become casual friends and about 90 hours to become friends. That is months of regular contact, not a single great evening.
The “culture shock” curve: a useful map, not a law
You may have come across the idea that adjustment to a new country follows phases. The anthropologist Kalervo Oberg described “culture shock” in the 1950s, in a talk and a 1960 paper, and later writers popularised a sequence that is often summarised as:
- Honeymoon: everything is new and exciting.
- Negotiation or frustration: the novelty fades, differences become irritating and loneliness often peaks.
- Adjustment: routines form and things feel more manageable.
- Adaptation: you feel at home, or at least comfortably yourself, in the new place.
Two honest caveats. First, the evidence that everyone follows this curve is weak; many people skip phases, loop back or never hit a big dip at all. Second, the timings people quote vary widely. Treat it as a reassuring map (“the dip is normal and usually temporary”) rather than a schedule you are failing to meet.
Signs it may be more than loneliness
Loneliness is a normal, painful feeling, and it usually responds to more connection. Sometimes, though, it overlaps with depression or anxiety, which need more than a new hobby. Consider speaking to a doctor or a mental-health professional if, for more than a couple of weeks, you notice:
- persistent low mood or emptiness most days;
- losing interest in things you normally enjoy;
- big changes in sleep, appetite or energy;
- withdrawing even from people who reach out to you;
- using alcohol or other substances to get through evenings;
- feeling hopeless, or having thoughts of harming yourself.
This guide is not medical advice. If you are struggling, you deserve proper support, and asking for it abroad is just as valid as asking at home. Many expats find it easier to start with a free, confidential helpline.
A four-week plan to ease expat loneliness
When you feel lonely, the instinct is to wait until you feel better before going out. Unfortunately it works the other way round: small actions come first, and the feeling follows. This plan keeps each step small.
Week 1: one recurring thing
- Choose one activity that meets weekly with the same people: a sports club, a language exchange, a choir, a class, a volunteering slot, a Saturday parkrun.
- Go once. That is the whole goal. You do not need to talk to anyone special.
- Book one call with a friend or family member at home for the weekend.
Week 2: repeat and add daylight
- Go back to the same activity. Repetition is what makes people recognise you.
- Add a daily walk outside, ideally at the same time and place. Being a familiar face at a café or market counts as social contact.
- Say one extra sentence to someone you see regularly: the barista, a neighbour, a colleague.
Week 3: one small invitation
- Pick one person from your activity and suggest a short, specific plan: “Coffee after the session next week?”
- Add a second recurring activity if you have the energy, or try a one-off event.
Week 4: host something tiny
- Invite two to four people to something simple at a public place: brunch, a walk, a board-game afternoon.
- Notice how you feel compared with week one. Most people feel at least a bit lighter by now, even if friendships are still early.
For a fuller version of this plan, with copy-paste messages, see our guide on how to make friends abroad.
Scripts for reaching out when it feels awkward
Loneliness makes reaching out feel risky. Short, specific, low-pressure messages lower the stakes:
To someone you have met a couple of times
“Hey, I’m trying to get out more at weekends. Fancy a coffee near the park on Saturday morning? Totally fine if you’re busy.”
To a colleague
“I’m still pretty new here and don’t know many people yet. Would you be up for lunch out this week?”
To an online group (Meetup, Facebook, Reddit)
“Moved here two months ago and looking to meet people for walks, coffee or board games. Anyone up for a small meetup at a café in the centre next Sunday afternoon?”
To a friend at home
“I’m finding the move harder than I expected. Could we have a proper catch-up call this week?”
Being honest with friends at home matters. Many expats put on a brave face online and feel lonelier for it.
Keeping friends back home without getting stuck
Old friendships are an anchor, especially in the early months. A few habits help them support you rather than keep you indoors:
- Schedule, do not drift. A fixed fortnightly call is more reliable than “let’s catch up soon”.
- Use voice notes. They bridge time zones and feel more personal than texts.
- Plan the next visit. Having a date on the calendar gives you something to look forward to.
- Protect your evenings out. If calls home always land on the night of your language exchange, move the call.
Small daily habits that make a difference
Friendships take months, but some things help within days. None of them replaces real connection; they make the wait easier and keep you in a state where reaching out feels possible.
- Get outside early. A morning walk, even a short one, gives your day structure and daylight.
- Become a regular. The same café, bakery or market stall a few times a week. Being recognised is a small but real form of belonging.
- Move your body with others. A group class or run gives you exercise and faces in one go.
- Limit late-night scrolling. Watching friends at home have fun without you, at midnight, rarely helps.
- Keep a “people list”. Write down everyone you have had a nice conversation with, and where. When you feel stuck, pick one and send a message.
- Be kind to yourself. You are doing something hard. Progress is slow and uneven, and that is normal.
Situations that make expat loneliness worse (and what helps)
If you moved for a partner
The “trailing partner” often has no ready-made colleagues. Build your own anchors early, separate from your partner’s circle: a class, a club, volunteering or part-time work. Expat partner groups exist in many cities and can be a supportive first step. Our guide to making friends as a trailing spouse has a fuller plan.
If you work remotely
Get out of the flat on purpose. A coworking membership, even two days a week, a regular café or a lunchtime class turns isolated workdays into social ones.
If the weather is dark and cold
Northern European winters can be tough if you are used to more light. Prioritise daylight walks, indoor group activities (climbing, choirs, games) and plans with a fixed day, so the weather does not decide for you.
If you do not speak the language yet
A language class is two fixes in one: practical progress and a weekly group of people in exactly your situation. Language exchanges add locals who want to meet you.
What helps in specific cities
The principles are universal, but the details depend on where you live. Our city guides go into detail on verified groups and local social norms: in Berlin, sports clubs and slow-to-warm locals (how to make friends in Berlin); in Barcelona, outdoor sport, intercambios and late dinners (how to meet people in Barcelona). If you are travelling rather than settling, the social tactics are different again; see how to make friends while travelling solo.
Meeting new people safely
When you are lonely, it is easy to say yes to anyone. Keep the basics: meet in a public place, tell a friend where you are going, have your own way home, and leave if you feel uncomfortable.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web now, starting in Malta, with the phone apps on the way: open MeetNow and see the plans near you. (MeetNow is our own app; see our disclosure.)
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel lonely after moving abroad?
Yes, very. Moving removes almost all of your casual social contact at once, and rebuilding it takes months. Many people feel the loneliest a few weeks to a few months after arriving, once the novelty fades. It usually eases as weekly routines and early friendships form.
How long does expat loneliness last?
It varies a lot. For many people it eases noticeably within three to six months of regular social activity, as acquaintances turn into friends. Research suggests friendships need dozens of hours together, so steady weekly contact matters more than any single event.
What is the fastest way to feel less lonely abroad?
Join one activity that meets weekly with the same people, go back every week, and make one small invitation (a coffee, a walk) after you have met someone twice. Add daily time outside and regular calls with people at home.
When should I get professional help for loneliness?
If low mood, loss of interest, sleep or appetite changes, or withdrawal last more than a couple of weeks, or if you feel hopeless or have thoughts of self-harm, speak to a doctor or call a helpline such as Samaritans (116 123 in the UK and Ireland). In an emergency in the EU, call 112.
How do I stop feeling lonely if I work remotely abroad?
Build social contact into your workweek: a coworking space a few days a week, a regular café, a lunchtime or after-work class, and one weekly club or exchange. Remote work makes default contact disappear, so you need to schedule it.
Should I move home if I feel lonely abroad?
Loneliness in the first months is common and usually temporary, so it is worth giving a new place at least six months of consistent effort before deciding. If you are still unhappy after that, or your mental health is suffering, moving home can be a perfectly good decision rather than a failure.
Helpline details checked October 2026. This article is general information, not medical advice.
