Your contract is signed, the flat is half furnished, and on your first Friday the office empties at half five while you walk home to a fridge holding a jar of mustard. Moving abroad for work and knowing no one has a very particular shape: your weekdays are full of people, and your evenings and weekends are completely empty. I have moved countries twice, both times for a job, and both times the hardest part was not the work or the paperwork. It was Saturday.
A job gives you a reason to be there, a routine and a building full of potential friends. It also lulls you. You talk to people all day, so it can take a month to notice that every conversation you have had was about a deadline, and that nobody in your new city would know if you stayed in all weekend.
The fix is not a personality transplant. It is treating your social life like a second onboarding: a plan for the first 12 weeks, a bit of structure, and honest expectations about how long it takes.
Why moving abroad for work and knowing no one is its own kind of hard
Moving for study gives you a cohort of people in exactly your situation. Moving with a partner gives you a default weekend companion. Moving alone for a job gives you colleagues who already have lives. They are friendly, they ask how you are settling in, and at six o’clock they go home to partners, children, sports clubs and friends they have known since school.
You are also in good company. Around 13% of respondents in the first EU-wide loneliness survey said they felt lonely most or all of the time over the previous four weeks (European Commission Joint Research Centre). The same survey found that young adults aged 16–30 face a higher prevalence of loneliness than older generations (JRC), which will not surprise anyone who has moved abroad for their first or second job.
It is worth remembering that locals are not all sitting on full calendars waiting to turn you away. More than 75 million adults in the EU meet family or friends only once a month or less (JRC). Plenty of the people around you would also like more people to see.
The work-specific traps are worth naming, because they are easy to miss:
- The busy shield. A demanding new role is a perfect excuse to postpone your social life until you have settled in. Settling in never quite finishes.
- One basket. If every person you know is a colleague, a reorganisation or a bad week at work takes your whole social life with it.
- Hybrid and remote days. Two or three days at home a week can mean whole days without speaking to anyone face to face.
- Second-language fatigue. Working in a language that is not your first is tiring, and that tiredness makes the sofa look very attractive at the end of the day.
Weeks 1–2: routines and first contacts
The goal of the first fortnight is modest: become a familiar face in a few places and say yes to anything social at work. You are not trying to make friends yet. You are laying track.
At work
Say yes to lunch, the coffee run and team drinks, even if you only stay for one. Ask each colleague for a single local recommendation: a bakery, a running route, an English-speaking GP, the best place to buy a bike. It costs them nothing, and it gives you a natural follow-up later (“I tried that bakery, you were right”). Ask HR or your onboarding buddy whether there are internal clubs, sports teams or newcomer networks. If your team works hybrid, come in on the days most people are in, not the quiet ones.
Outside work
Choose three anchors and visit them at the same times each week: a café, a gym or pool, and a market or supermarket. Regulars recognise regulars, and a nod from the barista in week two becomes a short chat in week five. Spend one weekend afternoon walking a different neighbourhood each week, and book one non-work activity for the second weekend so it is in the calendar before you can talk yourself out of it.
Your phone
Be deliberate with your phone, too: spending more than two hours a day on social networking sites is associated with a substantial increase in loneliness, with passive scrolling strongly linked to it while instant messaging is not (JRC). Send voice notes to friends at home and plan calls; skip the evening spent scrolling photos of the life you left.
Weeks 1–2 checklist
- Said yes to at least two social moments at work (lunch, coffee, drinks)
- Asked three colleagues for one local recommendation each
- Found out whether your employer has clubs, teams or newcomer groups
- Picked three anchor places and visited each at a regular time
- Booked one non-work activity for your second weekend
- Swapped passive scrolling for planned calls or voice notes home
A small-plan habit: once you have a routine, the easiest invite is a specific plan at a public place: a coffee, a board game, a dinner where everyone pays their own. That is the idea behind MeetNow, a free app where a host posts a plan, says who pays and picks who joins. It works in the browser at app.trymeetnow.com, starting in Malta, so elsewhere you can do the same thing by hand: one plan, one place, one time.
Weeks 3–6: find groups that repeat
This is the phase that decides everything. Friendship grows from seeing the same people again and again in a relaxed setting, so frequency beats intensity. A one-off networking event feels productive and rarely leads anywhere; a weekly five-a-side or a Tuesday pottery class quietly builds familiarity until, one week, someone suggests a drink afterwards.
Pick one or two groups outside work, ideally with a fixed weekly slot and a small core of regulars:
| Group type | Why it works | Good for |
|---|---|---|
| Language course or language exchange | Built-in conversation, everyone is there to talk, often mixes locals and newcomers | Meeting locals and learning the language your colleagues speak at lunch |
| Sports club or recreational team | Weekly fixtures, shared goal, natural post-match socialising | Settings where locals already have deep club traditions |
| Fixed-term hobby class | Same faces for several weeks, easy small talk about the project | Quieter people who prefer doing something side by side |
| Volunteering | Shared purpose, regular shifts, often a broad age range | Feeling useful during the low patch around weeks 4–8 |
| Professional meetups | Easy opener (“what do you do?”), useful for your career | A secondary group, not your main one |
Use the four-session rule: go at least four times before deciding whether a group is for you. Session one is awkward for everyone; by session four, people know your name. For a fuller version of this phase, including how to choose groups by city, see our 90-day social plan for moving abroad alone.
At work, keep the momentum from the first fortnight, but start nudging conversations beyond the job. Ask what colleagues did at the weekend and remember the answer. If someone mentions a hobby you share, ask if their club takes beginners.
Weeks 3–6 checklist
- Signed up for one or two weekly groups with a fixed time slot
- Attended each group at least four times
- Learned the names of three regulars and used them
- Had one conversation with a colleague that was not about work
- Kept your anchor places going, even on tired weeks
Weeks 7–12: turn acquaintances into friends
By now you should have faces: the colleague you lunch with, the person from climbing, the regular from language exchange who laughs at the same things. Turning “nice to see you” into friendship takes one thing most of us avoid: a one-to-one invitation with a specific plan.
Vague offers (“we should grab a drink sometime”) die quietly. Specific ones work: “I’m going to the Saturday morning market, want to come?” or “Fancy lunch somewhere that isn’t the canteen on Thursday?” If you want wording for different situations, our scripts for asking someone to hang out as a friend cover colleagues, classmates and gym regulars, and the step-by-step guide on how to turn acquaintances into friends goes deeper into this phase.
A few principles that helped me both times:
- Follow up within a few days. If you had a good chat, send a message referencing it while it is fresh.
- Host something small. Suggest a picnic in a park or a group lunch at a café and invite three or four people from different parts of your life.
- Notice who reciprocates. Some people will never invite you back, and that is fine. Put more energy into the ones who do.
- Repeat the good ones. A second and third plan with the same person matter more than a first plan with ten different people.
Weeks 7–12 checklist
- Made at least three specific one-to-one invitations
- Followed up after each good conversation within a few days
- Hosted or organised one small group plan at a public place
- Saw at least one person for a second or third time outside a group
- Kept going to your weekly groups (they are still the pipeline)
Colleagues: friends, friendly, or neither?
Some workplaces are social hubs where colleagues become the people you holiday with. Others keep a clear line between office and private life, and pushing against that line can feel awkward for everyone. Most sit somewhere in between, and a large international employer often behaves differently from a small local firm in the same city.
Read the room in your first month. Watch who eats together, who goes for drinks and who leaves on the dot. Start with peers rather than your manager, and move friendships outside the office with a weekend plan rather than another after-work drink, because a Saturday coffee signals “I like you” rather than “I like working with you”. Keep confidences, avoid making your boss a running topic, and remember that work friends are a brilliant start but a fragile foundation on their own. Aim for a mix: a couple of colleagues, a couple of people from your groups, and eventually a few people who know each other.
What it actually feels like: culture shock and loneliness
Here is the honest version. The first two weeks often run on adrenaline: new job, new streets, everything interesting. Somewhere around weeks three to eight, the novelty wears off. The admin is still unfinished, you are tired from working in a new system and perhaps a new language, and the people you speak to most are the ones you report to. Sunday evenings can feel very long.
Culture shock and loneliness feed each other. Small things, such as shop opening hours, how direct people are in meetings, or the way nobody chats in the lift, can feel like personal rejection when you have no one to laugh about them with. At home, a friend would say “that’s just how it is here”. Abroad, you have to say it to yourself until you meet someone who will say it with you.
What helps is unglamorous: keep the routine even when it feels pointless, schedule calls home rather than drifting into them at your lowest moments, and count small wins, such as the barista remembering your order. Our piece on what helps when you are homesick after moving abroad goes into this dip in more detail.
When it is more than loneliness: if low mood lasts for more than a couple of weeks, you lose interest in things you usually enjoy, or your sleep and appetite change noticeably, please talk to a GP or a mental health professional. Many employers also offer a confidential employee assistance programme, so check your contract or HR intranet. If you ever feel unsafe, contact local emergency services.
Country norms: work and friendship across Europe
These are patterns newcomers commonly describe, not rules. Individuals vary enormously, and international workplaces flatten a lot of these differences.
| Country | At work | What tends to help |
|---|---|---|
| Germany | Often a clear line between work and private life; in more traditional firms, moving from formal to informal address can take time | Joining a club (Verein) and turning up consistently; friendships may start slowly but are often loyal. See our guide to making friends in Germany as a foreigner |
| Netherlands | Friendly and direct; after-work drinks (borrel) are a common office ritual; diaries are often planned well ahead | Suggesting a concrete date and not taking “let me check my agenda” personally |
| Spain | Social life often revolves around food; colleagues may lunch or have a drink together | Language exchanges and saying yes to group plans, which are often the way into a friend group |
| Portugal | Warm and polite; many friendship circles are close-knit and family-centred | Learning even basic Portuguese and becoming a regular in your neighbourhood |
| France | Lunch can be a genuine social ritual; formal address is common at first | Accepting lunch invitations and joining local associations |
| Italy | Food, family and long-standing friend groups matter; aperitivo with colleagues is common in some cities | Consistency, local classes and effort with the language |
| Ireland | Chatty and welcoming on the surface; sport and pub culture are strong | Repeated contact through clubs and teams to move past friendly small talk |
Ireland is a useful reminder that a sociable reputation does not guarantee an easy landing: it recorded the highest prevalence of severe loneliness in the EU survey, with more than 20% of respondents feeling lonely most or all of the time (JRC).
How to make friends with Dutch people through work
The Netherlands comes up so often for people relocating for a job that it deserves its own note. If you are wondering how to make friends with Dutch people, start by matching the culture rather than fighting it. Go to the borrel and stay for a proper conversation. When you get on with someone, propose a specific plan with a date, because an open-ended “sometime” tends to vanish. Join a sports association or a Dutch course, where locals are already in the habit of seeing the same faces each week, and accept that directness is usually honesty rather than coldness. Our honest guide to whether it is hard to make friends in the Netherlands covers this in depth.
Meeting new people safely
Most of this plan involves meeting people you barely know, which is exactly how friendships start. A few habits keep it comfortable:
- Meet in a public place for the first few plans: a café, a park, a busy restaurant.
- Tell a friend, even one back home, where you are going and who with.
- Sort out your own way home before you go.
- Leave if anything feels uncomfortable. You never owe anyone an explanation.
Your next step for the first week
Do two things before your first week is out. First, open your calendar and block the same evening or weekend slot for the next four weeks for one non-work activity: a class, a club session or a language exchange. Second, ask one colleague to lunch, by name, with a day attached. That is it. Two small, specific actions will do more than a month of waiting until you feel settled.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web and works in your browser, starting in Malta. The Android app is on Google Play; the iPhone app is not in the App Store yet. Open MeetNow and see the plans posted in Malta.
FAQ
How long does it take to make friends after moving abroad for work?
Expect months rather than weeks. Most people start to feel a few real connections after two or three months of consistent effort, and a settled social circle often takes longer. The speed depends less on luck than on repetition: weekly groups and follow-up invitations shorten the timeline considerably.
Should I try to become friends with my colleagues?
Yes, but not only with them. Colleagues are often the first people you get to know, and some will become good friends. Move those friendships outside the office with a weekend plan, start with peers rather than managers, and build at least one group outside work so your whole social life does not depend on your job.
How do I make friends with Dutch people if their agendas are already full?
Work with the planning culture rather than against it. Suggest a specific date and activity, give people time to check their agenda, and join settings where locals already meet weekly, such as sports associations or Dutch classes. Directness is usually honesty, so a clear yes or no is a good sign, not a rejection.
Is it normal to feel worse a month or two after moving?
Very common. The excitement of the first weeks often fades around weeks three to eight, when admin, tiredness and culture shock catch up with you. Keeping your routine and weekly groups going through this dip helps. If low mood lasts more than a couple of weeks or affects sleep, appetite or interest in things you enjoy, talk to a GP or mental health professional.
I work remotely for a company back home. Does this plan still work?
Yes, but you need to replace the office with structure of your own. A coworking space, a regular café and two weekly groups take on the role colleagues would play. Remote workers should be stricter about the routine in weeks 1–2, because there is no workplace to fall back on.
Should I stick to other expats or try to make local friends?
Do both. Other newcomers are often easier to befriend because they are also looking, and they understand what you are going through. Local friends take longer but help you understand the city and feel at home. Language exchanges and local clubs are good places to find both at once.
