The first Sunday is usually the hardest. The boxes are mostly unpacked, the Wi-Fi works and the supermarket is sorted. Then it dawns on you that nobody in this city would notice if you didn’t leave the flat until Tuesday. Moving to a new city where you know no one has a very particular kind of quiet, and I have sat in it twice. Both times the first fortnight felt longer than the next three months put together.
The quiet is temporary if you treat friendship like any other project with a timeline. It doesn’t need to be frantic, just a steady, week-by-week plan. You start with routines, move on to a couple of groups you attend again and again, and finish by inviting people to things. This guide gives you that plan, plus an honest account of what the first 90 days feel like and how friendship norms differ across Europe.
One expectation to reset before we start: friendships take hours, not good intentions. Research on recently relocated adults found it took roughly 94 hours of shared time to go from acquaintance to casual friend (Greater Good Science Center, summarising Jeffrey Hall’s study). That sounds daunting until you realise that a weekly two-hour club gets you a long way in a single season.
When you move somewhere with no contacts, use weeks 1–2 to build daily routines and make small first contacts. In weeks 3–6, commit to two repeatable weekly groups. In weeks 7–12, invite the people you keep seeing to small, specific plans. Expect it to feel slow, because friendship is built through repeated shared time, not one brilliant first meeting.
Why moving to a new city where you know no one feels so hard
At home, your social life ran on infrastructure you never built yourself. There were school friends, colleagues who became mates, a sibling’s partner, and the friend of a friend at every birthday. Abroad, that infrastructure disappears all at once, and adult life rarely replaces it automatically.
Students have it easier for a structural reason. First-year university students reached casual friendship in around 43 hours of shared time, roughly half what relocated adults needed (Greater Good Science Center). Campus life throws people together constantly. A job, a coworking desk or a remote contract does not.
The same research makes a second point that matters more than any number: the kind of time counts. Leisure, joking around, catching up and real conversation bring people closer. What the researchers call passive co-presence barely helps, such as working side by side or sitting near someone without interacting. So the colleague you nod to every morning isn’t progress by default. The person you chat with for twenty minutes after a weekly running club is.
If it feels like you’re the only lonely person in Europe, you’re not. Roughly 13% of respondents in the EU Loneliness Survey reported feeling lonely most or all of the time, with results varying across member states (European Commission Joint Research Centre). Plenty of people in your new city want exactly what you want. Your job is to end up in the same room as them, repeatedly.
A low-pressure first step: small plans at public places are far easier first contacts than big mixers. Think a coffee, a market visit or a board game. That’s the idea behind MeetNow, a free app where a host posts a plan and picks who joins. It’s launching in Malta first, with a waitlist for other cities.
Weeks 1–2: routines, admin and first contacts
If you’re wondering what to do when you first move abroad, the unglamorous answer is to become a regular somewhere. Friendships grow out of repetition, and repetition starts with routine. In the first fortnight you’re not trying to find a best friend. You’re trying to make the city feel familiar and collect a handful of faces you’ll recognise.
Set up anchors
Pick a few places you’ll keep returning to:
- a café
- a supermarket or market you’ll use every week
- a gym, pool or park route
- a walk you’ll do at roughly the same time most days
Baristas, market stallholders and the person on the gym desk won’t become your closest friends. Still, being recognised is a surprisingly strong antidote to that invisible-in-a-big-city feeling. It also gives your week a shape before anything social is in it.
Get the admin moving
Admin is boring, but unfinished paperwork weighs on your mood and stops you committing to anything. If you’re an EU citizen moving to another EU country and staying longer than 3 months, you’re generally required to register your residence with the local authorities (Your Europe, European Union). Rules for non-EU nationals vary by country and visa, so check your national immigration website early. Book appointments in week one, because in many cities the wait is longer than you’d expect.
Make three small first contacts
Aim for low-stakes contact rather than big events. That could be one class, one walking tour or museum evening, and one language exchange or newcomers’ coffee. You’ll probably meet people you never see again, and that’s fine. The point is to practise saying “I’ve just moved here” out loud until it stops feeling exposing.
For a fuller breakdown of the whole quarter, our 90-day social plan for moving abroad alone goes deeper into each phase.
Checklist: weeks 1–2
- Choose one café, one food shop and one exercise spot, and go to each at least twice.
- Book any residence, tax or bank appointments you need.
- Attend three small social things of any kind, and say hello to at least one person at each.
- Note the name of anyone you talk to for more than five minutes.
- Join one or two newcomer forums or group chats for your city, and read for a while before you post.
- Schedule one proper weekly call with someone back home instead of constant check-ins.
Weeks 3–6: commit to repeatable groups
This phase decides most outcomes. The most useful of all first month abroad tips is simple: stop sampling and start repeating. One-off mixers feel productive because you meet lots of people, but you rarely see any of them again. A weekly group where the same faces turn up gives you the accumulated hours that friendships need.
What makes a good repeatable group
- It meets weekly or fortnightly, at a consistent time and place.
- There’s an activity, so conversation has something to hang on. Running, climbing, a choir, five-a-side, a pottery course, volunteering, a book club and a language exchange all work.
- It’s small enough that people notice when you come back.
- There’s a natural “after”, such as a coffee or a walk to the metro, where the real talking happens.
The two-group, three-visit rule
Pick two groups. Ideally, one is built around something you love and the other around the local language or culture. Go at least three times before you judge either. First visits are always awkward. By the third, people recognise you, and recognition is where it starts. If a group still feels wrong after three honest tries, swap it out without guilt.
Expat bubble or locals?
Aim for both, and it’s fine if the expats come first. International groups tend to be easier to break into, because everyone is in the same position and actively looking. Local friendships often take longer but anchor you more deeply in the city. A language exchange or a local sports club makes a good bridge, since the locals there have chosen to meet newcomers. Our city guides and club directories list specific groups; this guide is about the method that makes any of them work.
Checklist: weeks 3–6
- Choose two recurring groups and put the next three sessions in your calendar.
- Arrive a few minutes early, and stay for the “after” part at least once.
- Learn three names per group and use them next time.
- Swap numbers or socials with at least two people you’ve talked to more than once.
- Say yes to one invitation you’d normally talk yourself out of.
- Drop anything you still dread after three honest tries.
Weeks 7–12: turn acquaintances into friends
By now you probably have a dozen friendly acquaintances and nobody you’d text on a bad day. That gap is normal, and it closes in only one way: someone has to suggest doing something outside the group. Make it you. Most people are quietly waiting to be asked.
The research is blunt about why this step matters. For relocated adults, moving from friend to close friend took more than 200 hours (Greater Good Science Center). Most of those hours happen outside the structured setting where you first met.
Make invitations small and specific
“We should hang out sometime” almost never happens. “I’m going to the flea market on Saturday morning, want to come?” often does. A good invitation is specific, low-commitment and easy to decline. A few lines that work:
- “A few of us from running are getting brunch after Sunday’s session. Want to join?”
- “I’ve been meaning to try that bakery near the station. Free on Thursday after work?”
- “You mentioned you like hiking. I’m planning a day trip next month if you’re up for it.”
If finding the words is the hard part, these scripts for asking someone to hang out as a friend cover most situations. Our guide on how to turn acquaintances into friends walks through the follow-up.
Follow up and become the organiser
Send a short message after a good chat, something like “Loved that debate about the best tortilla, see you on Tuesday.” Remember the details people mention, such as a job interview, a visiting parent or a race they’re training for. After two or three one-to-one meet-ups, try hosting a small group plan. A picnic, a games afternoon or a weekend walk all work. The person who organises is usually the person who ends up with a social circle.
Checklist: weeks 7–12
- Invite one person a week to a specific, small plan.
- Follow up within a couple of days after any good conversation.
- Host one small group plan at a public place.
- Keep showing up to your two groups, even once one-to-one plans start.
- Notice who reciprocates, and invest more there.
- Book something to look forward to at the end of month three.
What it actually feels like
Plans like this one make the process sound linear. It isn’t. Here’s the honest version.
Weeks 1–2 often feel exciting and oddly flat at the same time. Everything is new, so you’re busy, but evenings and weekends can stretch out. Sunday afternoons are notorious.
Weeks 3–6 are frequently the low point. The novelty wears off, the admin bites, and you’ve met lots of people without yet knowing anyone. This is when many newcomers decide the city “isn’t friendly”. Usually it’s just too early to tell.
Weeks 7–12 bring the first real moments. Someone saves you a seat, or a message arrives asking if you’re coming. You bump into someone you know in the street. These moments are small, and they matter enormously.
Homesickness tends to come in waves. Something tiny can set it off, like a song, a birthday you’re missing or a food you can’t find. Our guide to what helps when you’re homesick after moving abroad has practical ideas. One useful rule: stay in touch with home, but don’t let calls home replace the awkward effort of building something local.
When it’s more than loneliness: feeling lonely in a new city is common, and it usually eases as your routine fills up. Sometimes it goes further. Low mood may hang around for weeks, you may lose interest in things you normally enjoy, or your sleep and appetite may change noticeably. If so, talk to a doctor or GP where you live, your university’s student support service, or your employer’s assistance programme if there is one. If you ever feel unsafe, contact local emergency services.
Friendship norms by country: a rough guide
Friendship styles vary across Europe, and knowing the common patterns stops you taking slow progress personally. Treat these as tendencies newcomers often describe, not rules. Every city, and every person, is different.
Country norms at a glance
- Germany: people often keep a clear line between acquaintances and friends, and plans tend to be made in advance. Clubs and associations are a common way in. There’s more in our guide to making friends in Germany as a foreigner.
- Netherlands: social calendars can fill up weeks ahead, so a spontaneous invitation may get “let me check my agenda”. That isn’t a brush-off. Suggest a concrete date instead.
- Spain: social life often happens outdoors and in groups, and evening meals tend to start later than in the UK or Ireland. Getting into a group can be easier than getting a one-to-one invitation.
- Portugal: people are often warm but a little reserved at first. Repeated contact through a shared activity tends to open things up.
- France: early politeness can feel formal. Closeness often builds slowly through a shared setting such as a club or class.
- Italy: friend groups from school and home towns can be tight-knit. Consistency in shared activities matters more than any single grand gesture.
- Ireland: chat comes easily, but turning friendly chat into a planned meet-up still usually takes a clear invitation from you.
Meeting new people safely
Most first meet-ups are perfectly ordinary. A few habits help keep them that way:
- Meet first in a busy public place, such as a café, park, market or gallery.
- Tell a friend, flatmate or someone back home where you’re going and who you’re meeting.
- Plan your own way home, and keep your phone charged.
- Leave whenever you feel uncomfortable. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
If you’ve moved on your own as a woman, our 90-day plan and safety guide for moving abroad alone as a woman goes into more detail.
Your next step for the first weeks
Don’t try to do all of this at once. Start with two actions.
- Pick one group that meets weekly, put the next three sessions in your calendar, and decide in advance that you’ll go to all three.
- Choose one small plan at a public place, such as a coffee, a market visit or a walk. Then either suggest it to someone you’ve already met or join a plan someone else has posted.
Two actions, repeated, are worth more than a dozen good intentions.
Moving to a new city where you know no one is hard for almost everyone who does it. It gets easier sooner than you’d think, once the same faces start showing up in your week.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is launching in Malta first and is not in the App Store or Google Play yet: join the MeetNow waitlist and we’ll email you when it launches near you.
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to make friends when moving to a new city where you know no one?
Usually months rather than weeks. Research on relocated adults suggests friendships build through many hours of shared time, so a weekly group you attend consistently is the most reliable route. Expect the first real connections to appear after weeks of repeated contact, not after one meeting.
What should I do in my first week abroad?
Build routines and handle the essentials. Choose a café, a food shop and an exercise spot you’ll return to, book any residence or bank appointments, and try one or two small, low-pressure social activities. You don’t need to find friends in week one, just familiar faces.
Is it better to make expat friends or local friends?
Both are worth having. Expat friends are often easier to make early on because everyone is looking. Local friends can take longer but tie you more closely to the city. Language exchanges and local sports clubs are good places where the two groups mix.
Is it normal to feel worse a few weeks after moving?
Yes. Many people find weeks three to six harder than the first fortnight, because the novelty fades before friendships have formed. If low mood lasts for weeks or starts affecting your sleep, appetite or interest in things, speak to a doctor or a support service where you live.
How do I meet people if I work remotely?
Remote work removes the colleague network, so you need to add structure deliberately. Join weekly classes, clubs or a coworking space with community events. Take part in the social parts rather than just working nearby, because sitting alongside people without interacting does little to build friendships.
I’m an introvert. How can I make friends in a new city?
Choose small, activity-based groups where conversation has a focus, such as a book club, a climbing session or a volunteering shift. Go to the same one regularly, aim for one or two good conversations rather than many, and plan quiet recovery time afterwards.
