The short answer: moving abroad alone works best when you treat your social life like a project with three phases. In weeks 1–2, build routines that put you near the same people every day. In weeks 3–6, commit to two groups that meet every week and go back to them, even when you would rather stay in. In weeks 7–12, start inviting: one coffee, one walk, one small plan you organise yourself. Expect it to feel lonely at some point in the first three months. That is normal, and it is not a sign you made the wrong decision.
I have moved abroad on my own twice. Both times the logistics (flat, bank, phone, paperwork) were easier than the evenings. This guide is the plan I wish I had followed from day one: a week-by-week checklist for your first 90 days, an honest section on what it actually feels like, and a few country notes so you know what “normal” looks like where you have landed.
What moving abroad alone actually feels like
Most people describe the first weeks as a mix of excitement and exhaustion. Everything is new, which is thrilling, but everything also takes effort: buying a SIM card, reading a gas bill, working out which queue you are in. Then, often somewhere between the first and third month, the novelty wears off and the quiet arrives. Weekends feel long. Your friends back home are busy, or asleep, or simply living lives you are no longer part of day to day. If that gap is what hurts most, our guide to feeling homesick after moving abroad covers what helps, phase by phase.
The anthropologist Kalervo Oberg described this pattern as “culture shock” in the 1950s, and the idea of a honeymoon phase followed by a dip has stuck because so many people recognise it. Not everyone follows the curve neatly, but if you hit a low point around week six or eight, you are in very good company.
Three things worth knowing early
- Friendship takes hours, not luck. A University of Kansas study by Jeffrey Hall found it takes roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to become friends and more than 200 hours to become close friends. Part of his research was with adults who had moved to a new city in the previous six months. Those hours are why the plan below is built on repetition.
- Homesickness and loneliness are different. Homesickness is missing specific people and places. Loneliness is the gap between the contact you have and the contact you need. You can fix the second without curing the first, and that is fine.
- Your first friends will probably be other newcomers. They have time, they are looking too, and they understand. Local friendships usually come later and through repeated shared activities.
Before you go: set yourself up to meet people
A few decisions before the move make the first weeks much easier:
- Choose housing for people, not just price. A flatshare, coliving space or a building in a lively neighbourhood gives you daily contact. A cheap studio on the edge of town can be very isolating in month two.
- Pick two activities in advance. Look up a running club, a choir, a climbing gym, a language exchange or a volunteering programme in your new city and note the days they meet.
- Book a language course to start in your first fortnight. Even if you work in English, a class gives you a weekly group of people in exactly your situation.
- Tell people you are coming. Ask friends, colleagues and old classmates whether they know anyone in your new city. One friend-of-a-friend coffee in week one is worth a lot.
Weeks 1–2: routines and first contacts
The goal of the first fortnight is not to make friends. It is to make your days repeat, so you see the same faces and start to feel like you belong somewhere.
Checklist for weeks 1–2
- Pick a “home” café, bakery or market stall and go at the same time several days a week. Learn to say hello and thank you properly in the local language.
- Walk or cycle your neighbourhood every day for at least 30 minutes.
- Do one admin task in person rather than online where you can (registering your address, opening a bank account, joining the library). It gets you out and talking. Our 14-day plan for your first weeks abroad covers the admin order country by country.
- Go to one open, low-stakes event: a free walking tour, a language exchange, a museum’s late opening, a parkrun or a public lecture.
- Join one or two apps or communities to find groups. Our comparison of the best apps to make friends abroad explains which to try first.
- Set a weekly call with someone back home, so you are not relying on scrolling to feel connected.
What it feels like
Busy, tiring and often fun. You may feel you are doing well socially because every conversation is new. Enjoy it, but do not stop at one-off events: they are fun, but you rarely see the same people again.
Weeks 3–6: two groups you go back to every week
This is the phase that decides how your first year goes. The aim is to choose two recurring groups and attend them every week for a month, whatever your mood. Repetition is what turns strangers into acquaintances.
Checklist for weeks 3–6
- Choose one group built around an activity (sport, music, crafts, hiking, board games, volunteering) and one built around conversation (a language exchange, a book club, a newcomers’ meetup).
- Go every week for four weeks. Arrive early, help set up or stay to tidy away; that is when the real conversations happen.
- Learn three names per session and use them the next time.
- Say yes to any after-event drink, coffee or meal you are invited to.
- Keep one evening a week that is just for you, so the effort does not burn you out.
What it feels like
Often harder than weeks 1–2. The novelty has gone, you know lots of first names but have no one to call on a Saturday, and some evenings you will want to skip. Go anyway, at least for an hour. If loneliness is weighing on you in this phase, our guide to why expat loneliness hits and what helps goes deeper.
Weeks 7–12: turn acquaintances into friends
By now you should recognise people and they should recognise you. This phase is about moving from “people I see at the group” to “people I see on purpose”.
Checklist for weeks 7–12
- Invite one person from each group to something small and specific: a coffee, a walk, a market, a film.
- Host one easy plan yourself: dinner at a casual restaurant, a picnic in the park, a board-game afternoon. Invite four to six people from different parts of your new life.
- Follow up within a day after a good conversation (“Great to chat on Thursday, want to try that bakery you mentioned on Sunday?”).
- Create a small group chat for people who already meet regularly. It makes the next plan much easier.
- Review: which group gives you energy? Keep that one and drop the one that does not.
The words matter less than you think, but it helps to have a few ready. Our scripts for asking someone to hang out as a friend cover most situations, and how to turn acquaintances into friends explains the steps in more detail.
What it feels like
Uneven. Some invitations will be accepted with enthusiasm, others will be politely declined or just fade. That is not rejection, it is maths: people are busy, and you need several attempts for one to stick. By the end of the third month most people have one or two people they can text spontaneously. That is a real foundation.
A 90-day overview
| Phase | Main goal | Weekly minimum | Sign it is working |
|---|---|---|---|
| Weeks 1–2 | Routines and first contacts | Daily walk, one open event, one class booked | Someone in your neighbourhood recognises you |
| Weeks 3–6 | Two recurring groups | Both groups, every week | You know at least five names |
| Weeks 7–12 | From acquaintances to friends | One invitation and one plan | Someone invites you, not just the other way round |
Weekends alone after moving abroad
Weekends are often the hardest part, because the structure of work or study disappears. A few things that help:
- Anchor Saturday morning. A parkrun, a market, a hiking group or a regular class gives the weekend a fixed starting point.
- Plan Sunday on Friday. Decide one thing you will do, even if it is solo: a museum, a day trip, a long lunch somewhere new.
- Solo is not a failure. Learning to enjoy your own company in a new city is part of the experience and makes you better company for others.
- Limit late-night scrolling of home. Seeing everyone’s plans back home on a Saturday night rarely helps.
Moving abroad alone as a woman
Many women move abroad alone and love it. The plan above works the same way, with some extra attention to safety when meeting new people. Choose public places for first meetings, tell a friend where you are going and who you are meeting, arrange your own way home, and leave whenever something feels off. Women-only expat groups on Facebook and Meetup can be a good first network in many cities, and EU-wide the emergency number is 112. Our guide to making friends abroad also covers how to pick groups where you feel comfortable.
Moving abroad alone at 30 (or later)
At 30, fewer of your peers are looking for new friends, and more of them have partners, children or long working hours. That means you will often have to be the organiser. The upside is that you know yourself better: you can pick groups that genuinely match your interests rather than whatever is loudest. Professional networks, sports clubs with adult beginner sessions, volunteering and language courses all skew older than nightlife-based events and are good places to start.
Local friends vs expat friends
You do not have to choose. Expat friends are usually easier to make early: they are available, open and going through the same thing. Local friends often take longer because their lives are already full, but they connect you to the place, the language and the culture. A healthy mix after a year might be a few internationals you met in month one and one or two locals you met through a club, a class or work.
To get out of the expat bubble, do things locals do regularly: join a sports club, a choir or a volunteering project that runs in the local language, take a class, and become a regular somewhere in your neighbourhood.
Country notes: what “normal” looks like
These are broad patterns, not rules, and every city and person is different. Use them to avoid taking things personally.
- Germany: people often keep work and private life separate, and plans are made in advance. Clubs and associations (Vereine) are a big part of social life. Friendships can take time to form but tend to be loyal.
- Netherlands: diaries fill up weeks ahead, so spontaneous invitations are less common. Directness is normal, not rude. Suggest a date rather than “sometime”.
- Spain: social life is late, food-centred and often outdoors. Plans can be spontaneous. Groups of long-standing friends from school are common, so joining activities helps.
- Portugal: warm but often reserved at first; coffee and long meals are where friendships grow. Learning some Portuguese is noticed and appreciated.
- France: greetings and politeness matter (always say bonjour). Friendships can take time and often form through associations, classes and repeated contact.
- Italy: family and long-standing friend groups are central; food, aperitivo and neighbourhood life are the way in.
- Ireland: chatty and welcoming in the moment; deeper friendship often comes through clubs, sport and “a friend of a friend”.
When loneliness turns into something more
Feeling lonely, sad or homesick after a big move is common. If low mood lasts for weeks, affects your sleep, appetite or work, or you feel hopeless, please talk to someone. A local doctor (GP) is a good first step. Free, confidential listening services include Samaritans on 116 123 (UK and Ireland), TelefonSeelsorge on 0800 111 0 111 or 0800 111 0 222 (Germany), 024 (Spain), 3114 (France) and 113 (Netherlands). If you are in immediate danger anywhere in the EU, call 112.
Where MeetNow fits
The hardest step in weeks 7–12 is organising something yourself. MeetNow, our own app, is built for exactly that: a host posts a plan at a real public place, such as a dinner, drinks, a game or a concert, with a date, time, number of seats and who pays. People nearby ask to join with a short note, the host picks who comes, and accepted guests get a group chat. Afterwards, both sides confirm “we met”, which builds each person’s track record. Hosts can limit who can join (for example by gender or age range), and anyone can block other users. It is plans, not profiles, and it is live on the web at app.trymeetnow.com, starting in Malta, with the iPhone and Android apps coming soon.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web now, starting in Malta, with the phone apps on the way: open MeetNow and see the plans near you. (MeetNow is our own app; see our disclosure.)
Your next step
Open your calendar and put in two recurring things for next week: one activity group and one conversation group. Then pick the café you will make “yours”. That is the whole of week one.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel lonely after moving abroad alone?
Yes. Many people feel a dip somewhere in the first three months, once the novelty fades and they have acquaintances but no close friends yet. It usually improves with regular contact. If low mood lasts for weeks or affects daily life, talk to a doctor or a listening service.
How long does it take to make friends after moving abroad?
Expect months rather than weeks. Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas suggests it takes around 50 hours together to become casual friends and about 90 hours to become friends. Seeing the same people every week is what adds those hours up.
What should I do in my first week after moving abroad?
Set up daily routines that put you near the same people, walk your neighbourhood, go to one open event such as a language exchange or walking tour, book a language course and find two groups that meet weekly.
Is moving abroad alone at 30 a good idea?
It can be. Fewer people your age are actively looking for friends, so you may need to organise plans yourself, but you also know your interests well. Clubs, classes, volunteering and professional networks are good places to start.
How do I avoid the expat bubble?
Do things locals do regularly: join a local sports club, choir or volunteering project, take a class in the local language and become a regular at a neighbourhood café or market. Keep your expat friends too; a mix is healthy.
What helps with weekends alone?
Give Saturday a fixed anchor such as a parkrun, market or hiking group, plan one Sunday activity in advance, and treat solo time as part of the experience rather than a failure.
Helpline numbers last checked October 2026.
