The short answer: is it hard to make friends in the Netherlands? For many newcomers, yes, at least at first. In InterNations’ Expat Insider 2023 survey, half of the respondents living in the Netherlands said they found it hard to make friends with locals, compared with just over a third worldwide. The reasons are structural rather than personal: established friend groups, a planned “agenda culture” and a clear line between work and private life. The fix is to work with the culture: join a club (vereniging), go to the same activities every week, suggest specific plans with dates, and give it a few months.
I have friends who love living in the Netherlands and still describe their first year as the loneliest of their lives. Colleagues were friendly, neighbours said hello, everyone spoke excellent English, and yet nobody invited them anywhere. Then, usually around month four or five, something shifted: a sports team, a choir or a volunteer group, and suddenly they had people. This guide explains why the first months can feel so slow, what actually works, and a week-by-week plan for your first 90 days.
Is it hard to make friends in the Netherlands? The honest answer
Surveys back up what many newcomers feel. In InterNations’ Expat Insider 2023 survey, 50% of respondents in the Netherlands said they found it hard to make friends with locals, against a global average of 36%, and many said they were unhappy with their social lives, as reported by IamExpat. At the same time, the Netherlands regularly scores well for working life, and plenty of internationals build happy, sociable lives there.
So the honest answer is: it is harder than in many places to make Dutch friends quickly, but not hard to build a good social life if you go about it the right way. Most people who succeed combine international friends (easier, faster) with Dutch friendships built slowly through shared activities.
Why making friends in the Netherlands feels hard
Established circles
Many Dutch adults have long-standing friend groups from school, university, student associations or their home town, and those groups are often busy and complete. There is no hostility to newcomers; there is just not a gap waiting to be filled.
The agenda culture
Social life in the Netherlands is often planned in advance. People check their agenda (diary) before agreeing to a coffee, and weekends can be booked weeks ahead. Spontaneous “fancy a drink after work?” invitations are less common and less likely to work. If you are used to spontaneity, this can feel cold. It is really just organised.
Work and private life are separate
Dutch colleagues are often friendly and informal at work, and Friday drinks (the borrel) are common. But many people go home to their own circles afterwards. Friendships with colleagues tend to grow slowly and outside office hours.
Everyone speaks English
It sounds like an advantage, and in daily life it is. But it also means you can live for years without learning Dutch, and some social circles, especially clubs and local groups, still run in Dutch. Learning even basic Dutch signals that you plan to stay, which matters to people deciding whether to invest in a friendship.
Directness
Dutch communication is often direct. A clear “no, that doesn’t suit me” is not rejection; it is honesty. Once you adjust, it can be refreshing: you always know where you stand.
Dutch friendship norms: a country-norms box
What actually works in the Netherlands
1. Join a vereniging (club)
Dutch social life runs on verenigingen: sports clubs, rowing and hockey clubs, choirs, theatre groups, hobby associations. You pay a membership fee and see the same people every week, often with a drink in the club canteen afterwards. This is the single most reliable way to make Dutch friends. Ask for a trial session and pick something you genuinely enjoy, because you will be going for months.
2. Language exchanges and Dutch courses
Language exchanges are where Dutch speakers who enjoy meeting internationals go. In Amsterdam, for example, the Amsterdam International Community runs free exchange meetups twice a month; our guide to language exchanges in Amsterdam lists verified options and tips for keeping conversations in Dutch. A Dutch course also gives you a group of fellow newcomers.
3. Volunteering
Volunteering is popular in the Netherlands and connects you with locals who share your values. Local volunteer centres in most cities list roles, from food banks to sports clubs and refugee support. Regular shifts with the same team work best.
4. Friday borrels and work events
Go to the borrel, the team outing and the summer party. Then suggest something specific with one or two colleagues you get on with. Our guide on how to make friends at work abroad has scripts.
5. International groups
Expat networks, international meetups and newcomer events are faster routes to company. Many people’s first close friends in the Netherlands are other internationals, and that is fine. Use them as your base while you build Dutch connections more slowly.
6. Neighbours
Dutch neighbourhoods often have street parties, neighbourhood apps or shared gardens. Introduce yourself, accept invitations to the street barbecue, and offer to water plants when neighbours are away.
A week-by-week plan for your first 90 days
Weeks 1–2: routines and first contacts
- Register with your municipality, sort out your bike and transport, and find your supermarket and market.
- Introduce yourself to neighbours.
- Go to one international event and one language exchange.
- Make a list of three verenigingen or classes to try.
Weeks 3–6: two repeatable groups
- Try your three options and commit to one club or class plus one international or language group.
- Go every week, stay for the drink or coffee afterwards.
- Start a Dutch course, even a basic one.
- Go to every work borrel you can.
Weeks 7–12: from acquaintances to friends
- Suggest a specific plan with a date to two or three people you see regularly: a coffee, a bike ride, a museum.
- Host something small and gezellig: a dinner or games evening for three to five people.
- Keep going to your groups; invitations often start arriving in this phase.
For the full 90-day framework, see our pillar guide to moving abroad alone, and if the first months feel heavy, our guide for when you feel lonely after moving abroad.
Copy-paste messages for Dutch planning culture
- “Would you like to get a coffee next week? Tuesday or Thursday after work works for me.”
- “I’m organising a small dinner on Saturday the 14th. Would you like to come?”
- In Dutch: “Heb je volgende week zin om koffie te drinken?” (Do you fancy a coffee next week?)
- In Dutch: “Zullen we een datum prikken?” (Shall we pick a date?)
Common mistakes
| Mistake | Better approach |
|---|---|
| Waiting for spontaneous invitations | Suggest specific plans with dates |
| Taking directness personally | Treat it as honest information |
| Only socialising with other expats | Add one vereniging or Dutch-speaking group |
| Never learning Dutch | Take a basic course; use it at your club |
| Giving up after a few months | Expect friendships to take time; they tend to last |
International friends first, Dutch friends over time
Many newcomers feel guilty that their first friends in the Netherlands are other internationals. There is no need. Fellow newcomers are actively looking for company, understand exactly what you are going through and are usually free at short notice, which makes them the perfect antidote to the lonely first months. They also make it easier to keep going to Dutch-speaking clubs and courses, because you are not relying on those settings for all your social needs.
The risk is only in stopping there. International friends often move on after a contract or a degree, and a social life built entirely on them can shrink quickly. Treat your international circle as a base and keep one or two Dutch-speaking commitments going in parallel. Over a year, the balance usually shifts: the club teammate becomes a friend, the neighbour invites you to a birthday, the colleague suggests a weekend bike ride. That is when the Netherlands starts to feel like home.
Beyond Amsterdam
Much expat advice focuses on Amsterdam, but cities like Utrecht, Rotterdam, The Hague, Leiden, Eindhoven and Groningen each have their own character. University towns have strong student association cultures; The Hague has a large international community linked to its international organisations; Rotterdam is known for a direct, informal style. The same approach (clubs, language, planned invitations) works everywhere. If you are comparing with Germany, our guide on how to make friends in Germany as a foreigner covers a similar club-based culture.
Your next step
This week, find one vereniging or class near you and book a trial, and put one language exchange or international event in your agenda, the Dutch way, with a date and time.
Staying safe when meeting new people
Meet new people in public places, tell a friend where you are going, arrange your own way home and leave if anything feels off. In an emergency, call 112.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web and works in your browser, starting in Malta. The Android app is on Google Play; the iPhone app is not in the App Store yet. Open MeetNow and see the plans posted in Malta. (MeetNow is our own app.)
FAQ: is it hard to make friends in the Netherlands
Why is it hard to make friends with Dutch people?
Many Dutch adults have established friend groups, plan social life in advance and keep work and private life separate. It is not unfriendliness; newcomers simply need to find recurring settings, such as clubs, where new friendships form.
What do surveys say about making friends in the Netherlands?
In InterNations’ Expat Insider 2023 survey, 50% of respondents in the Netherlands said they found it hard to make friends with locals, compared with a 36% global average.
What is a vereniging?
A vereniging is a club or association, such as a sports club, choir or hobby group. Members meet regularly, which makes it one of the best ways to make Dutch friends.
Do I need to speak Dutch to make friends in the Netherlands?
Not to start, as most people speak English. But learning Dutch helps you join local clubs and signals that you plan to stay, which makes friendships with Dutch people easier.
How long does it take to make friends in the Netherlands?
Many newcomers find it takes several months of regular club or group attendance before friendships form. International friendships usually come faster.
How do I invite a Dutch person to hang out?
Suggest a specific day, time and activity, often a week or more ahead, and expect a direct yes or no. If it does not suit them, propose another date.
