The short answer: feeling lonely after moving abroad is normal, it usually peaks somewhere in the first two or three months, and it responds well to a plan. In weeks 1–2, build daily routines and make five small first contacts. In weeks 3–6, choose two groups that meet every week and go every time. In weeks 7–12, turn the people you keep seeing into friends by suggesting small, specific plans. If the loneliness turns into low mood that does not lift, talk to a doctor or a support line; you do not have to wait until it is serious.
I moved abroad alone twice. The first time, I thought the hard part would be paperwork. It was not. The hard part was the Sunday afternoon in week five when the novelty had worn off, everyone I knew was in a different time zone or busy, and I realised I had not had a real conversation in four days. If you are reading this because you just moved and you are lonely, I want to say two things clearly: it is not a sign you made the wrong decision, and it gets better faster when you treat it as a project with steps rather than a feeling to wait out. This guide is the week-by-week plan I wish I had had.
Lonely after moving abroad: what it actually feels like
Nobody posts this part on social media, so it helps to know the usual shape. Everyone’s experience is different, but many people describe something like this:
- Weeks 1–2: busy and buzzing. Admin, flat-hunting, new streets, new food. You are too busy to feel lonely, and everything is interesting. Calls home are full of news.
- Weeks 3–6: the dip. The to-do list shrinks and the evenings get long. The novelty wears off. You notice that nobody here would notice if you stayed in all weekend. Small things (a rude cashier, a confusing form) hit harder than they should.
- Weeks 7–12: slow lift, if you have been showing up. Faces start repeating. Someone at your class saves you a seat. You get your first message that is not about logistics. It is not a big circle yet, but it is a start.
The dip in weeks 3–6 is where many people decide the city is unfriendly or that they are bad at making friends. Usually neither is true. Friendships take repeated contact over time, and in month one you simply have not had enough of it yet. The plan below is designed to build that repetition as fast as possible.
If you want the broader picture of why loneliness hits expats in particular, and how it differs from ordinary homesickness, our guide to expat loneliness covers the causes, and if missing home is the bigger part for you, see what helps when you feel homesick after moving abroad. This article is the practical timeline.
Weeks 1–2: routines and first contacts
Your goal in the first fortnight is not to make friends. It is to stop feeling invisible and to give yourself a structure, so the empty hours do not swallow you.
Build three daily anchors
Pick three things you do at the same time every day or most days: a morning coffee at the same café, a walk or run on the same route, lunch at the same market or canteen. Routines give your days shape, and they make you a familiar face to the people who work there. Being greeted by name by a barista in week two is a small thing that feels surprisingly big.
Make five first contacts
These are not friends; they are people who know you exist. Aim for five in the first two weeks:
- A neighbour (introduce yourself on the stairs or leave a short note).
- A café or shop owner you see daily.
- One colleague, classmate or coworker you ask a practical question.
- One person from a group or event (see below).
- One person from home who lives in the same city, even if you only met once. Ask your network: “Does anyone know someone in Lisbon/Berlin/Dublin?”
Go to one group event
Just one, and choose something easy: a language exchange, a newcomers’ meetup or a free walking tour. You are not trying to bond; you are getting a feel for what exists. Use the habits in our guide on how to be more approachable: phone away, arrive early, talk to the organiser.
Weeks 1–2 checklist
- Three daily anchors chosen and repeated
- Five first contacts made
- One group event attended
- A list of five recurring groups to try (exchanges, clubs, classes, volunteering)
- One call home scheduled for the weekend, not every evening
Weeks 3–6: two repeatable groups
This is the most important phase, and it coincides with the dip. Your goal is to choose two groups that meet every week and to go every single time, even when you do not feel like it.
How to choose your two groups
Try three or four options in week three, then commit to two in week four. Good groups have four things in common:
- They meet weekly at the same time and place.
- The same people come back. Ask the organiser how many regulars there are.
- There is something to do together: a language, a sport, a task, a performance. Shared activity makes conversation easier.
- There is a natural “after”: a coffee or drink once it ends, where people actually talk.
Mix one easy group with one “local” one. The easy group might be an international language exchange where everyone is new and keen to talk. The local one might be a running club, a choir, a volunteer team or a class where people who live in the city long term show up. The first stops the loneliness quickly; the second builds the friendships that last.
What to expect in this phase
Weeks three to six can feel discouraging because you go, have a nice time and then go home alone. That is the process working, not failing. Each visit adds familiarity. Around the third or fourth time, people start greeting you first. Keep a short note after each session: names, one thing about each person, anything they mentioned they are doing next week. Next time, ask about it.
Use apps as a bridge, not a destination
Friend-finding apps and expat platforms can help in this phase, especially for finding groups you would not otherwise hear about. Treat them as a way to get to a recurring in-person group, not as endless one-off chats. Our comparison of the best apps to make friends abroad explains which ones are worth your time.
Weeks 3–6 checklist
- Three or four groups tried in week three
- Two committed weekly groups from week four
- Stayed for the “after” at least twice
- Names and notes written after each session
- One coffee or walk suggested to someone you have met twice
Weeks 7–12: turning acquaintances into friends
By now you should recognise people and they should recognise you. The next step is the one most people skip: moving from “people I see at the group” to “people I see outside it”.
Make small, specific invitations
Vague invitations (“we should hang out sometime”) rarely happen. Specific ones do. Name a day, a place and an activity, and keep it short and public:
- “I’m going to the Saturday market at 11. Want to grab a coffee there?”
- “A few of us from the exchange are getting dinner on Thursday after the session. Come along?”
- “I’m trying the climbing gym on Sunday morning. Fancy joining?”
Expect some noes and some “maybe next week”s. That is normal. Ask a few different people, and follow up once with anyone who said “maybe”.
Host something small
Around week ten, organise one easy plan for three to five people: a picnic, a board-game afternoon in a café, a walk to a viewpoint. Being the person who organises is one of the fastest ways to become central to a group, and people are grateful when someone else makes the effort.
Keep showing up
Do not drop your two weekly groups once you have a couple of friends. They are your pipeline. New people keep arriving, and some of them will become your closest friends in the city.
Weeks 7–12 checklist
- Three specific invitations made
- One small plan hosted
- Both weekly groups still attended
- One person you message without a practical reason
- One local friend or acquaintance, not only fellow newcomers
For the full 90-day picture, including housing, admin and building a life around your new routine, see our pillar guide to moving abroad alone.
Things that make loneliness worse (and what to do instead)
| Trap | Why it backfires | Try instead |
|---|---|---|
| Calling home every evening | It fills the hours you could use to meet people and keeps your head in the old life | One or two scheduled calls a week; voice notes in between |
| Event hopping | A new crowd every night means no repeated contact | Two weekly groups, every week |
| Waiting until your language is good enough | It never feels good enough | An exchange or class where being a learner is the point |
| Scrolling expat forums for hours | Feels social, is not | Use forums to find one event, then close the app |
| Staying in when tired | Isolation makes tiredness worse | Go for one hour, then leave if you want |
A note on country norms
In some countries friendships form slowly and through structured settings, and spontaneous invitations are less common. In others, social life is more open but also more fluid. Neither is better; they just need different tactics. Where people plan weeks ahead, suggest a date in advance. Where invitations are casual, say yes to everything for the first month. Our guide to how to make friends abroad goes into the methods that work across cultures.
When loneliness turns into low mood
Loneliness is a normal reaction to a big change. But sometimes it slides into something heavier: you stop enjoying things you used to like, sleep or appetite change a lot, you feel hopeless, or it lasts for weeks without lifting. If that happens, please do not wait it out alone.
- Talk to a doctor. Registering with a GP or local doctor in your first weeks is a good idea anyway. They can talk through how you are feeling and point you to support.
- Use a support line. 116 123 is the number for free emotional support lines in several European countries: it reaches Samaritans in the UK and Ireland (24 hours a day) and TelefonSeelsorge in Germany, which also answers on 0800 111 0 111 and 0800 111 0 222, free and around the clock. Check the equivalent service in your new country.
- Tell someone. A friend at home, a colleague, someone from your group. Saying “I’m finding this harder than I expected” out loud often makes it lighter, and people are usually kinder than we expect.
- In an emergency, call 112, the emergency number across the EU.
Your next step for this week
Pick one thing from the checklist for the phase you are in and do it in the next seven days. If you are in weeks 1–2, choose your three daily anchors. If you are in weeks 3–6, put your two groups in your calendar as recurring events. If you are in weeks 7–12, send one specific invitation. Small, repeated steps beat big gestures.
Want to turn this into an actual plan? MeetNow is a free app for meeting people in person: a host posts a plan at a public place, says who pays (host pays, split, pay your own or free) and picks who joins. It is live on the web now, starting in Malta, with the phone apps on the way: open MeetNow and see the plans near you. (MeetNow is our own app.)
FAQ: lonely after moving abroad
Is it normal to feel lonely after moving abroad?
Yes. Almost everyone who moves abroad alone feels lonely at some point, often after the first few busy weeks when the novelty wears off. It is a normal response to losing your daily network, not a sign you made the wrong choice.
How long does loneliness last after moving abroad?
It varies, but many people find it eases between the second and fourth month if they keep going to the same groups every week. Repeated contact is what turns strangers into friends, and that takes weeks rather than days.
What should I do first if I’m lonely after moving abroad?
Build three daily routines, make five small first contacts (a neighbour, a café owner, a classmate) and go to one group event. Then commit to two groups that meet weekly and go every time.
Should I call home less to settle in?
Not less in a strict sense, but more deliberately. One or two scheduled calls a week, plus voice notes, keeps you connected without filling the evenings you could use to meet people locally.
When should I get help for loneliness abroad?
If loneliness turns into persistent low mood, hopelessness, or changes in sleep and appetite that last for weeks, talk to a doctor or call a support line such as 116 123 in the UK, Ireland or Germany. In an emergency, call 112.
Is it better to make expat friends or local friends at first?
Both. Fellow newcomers are easier to meet quickly and understand what you are going through. Local friends take longer but help you feel at home. Join one international group and one local one.
